Hillary Can Understand Slow Georgia Hick's Benghazi Questions Just Fine, Thanks
I say, I say, why'd you do Benghazi?
What's so fun about the fifty-eleventieth Benghazi!!!11! hearing is that EVERYBODY gets a turn telling Hillary Clinton how she and Sidney Blumenthal personally murdered four Americans in Benghazi, even the real slow, stupid Republicans from Georgia, like Rep. Lynn Westmoreland. When it was his turn to talk, he seemed to be concerned that, what with all the big city talkin'-tos bein' handed out to Mizz Hillary, she might not be able to understand common folks uh-kinda-like him. Hell, and boy howdy, he even got confused tryin' to keep up with his gal friend, Republican Martha Roby of Alabama, Lord have mercy all our souls, she DOES TALK FAST for a Southern belle. Musta been something she learned at finishin' school!
Better slow things down!
WESTMORELAND: Thank you. Madam Secretary, I talk a little slower than everybody else, so...
CLINTON: I lived in Arkansas a long time. I don't need an interpreter, Congressman.
WESTMORELAND: So some of the questions I'm asking you can just get a yes-or-no answer, that would be great. But I do want you to give us a full answer.
Now I say, look here, I say, Imma gwine to ask yew some simple questions, Madam, for I say, I say, I am A Idiot. I am motherfuckin' Foghorn Leghorn with a throat full of Georgia peaches and the penises of the squirrels what I just slaughtered for dinner. I like 'em, they're like my little treat!
Later in his line of very slow questioning, Westmoreland asserted that "there was a big, big difference in the equipment they had to protect theirself," referring to differences between CIA and State Department installations in Libya.
Look. Hillary, regardless of how long she lived in Arkansas, does not need a translator to understand INTELLIGENT SOUTHERN PEOPLE. Hell, a bit of a twang creeps into her own accent from time to time, which makes Republicans FUCKING CRAZY.
But Rep. Lynn Westmoreland is not a smart southerner. He is a chicken-fried dipshit, the kind of southerner WE SMART SOUTHERNS turn our noses down on and only piss on if they're completely consumed by flames. He did a couple of years at Georgia State before dropping out to spend more time fingering billy goats or whatever Georgia conservatives do in their spare time. And suddenly, one day, he entered Republican politics, and now Bubba Dipshit is sitting here, bothering the future president of the United States with his slow Deliverance mouth and his folksy "questions."
Hillary understood his dumb ass just fine, but we wouldn't blame her if she didn't, because Southern folks such as himself are not taught to Talk Good by their parents, and they wear their stupidity as a badge of pride.
Wanna learn more about this fine southern elected official, who may or may not have lost his virginity to a mini-donkey? YOU ARE IN MUCH LUCK! Stephen Colbert (PBUH) profiled him in his famous "Better Know A District" segment! In this clip, we are treated to the following S-M-R-T quotes from the man who, again, had the privilege of very slowly telling Hillary Clinton about her Benghazi business Thursday:
- "Well, I feel like my responsibility is to not forget what I put in my campaign literature, to keep up with that, to read it, to make sure that I am doing what I told the people I would do when they elected me."
- He doesn't introduce legislation because "Well, there's one other do-nothin'-er" [in Congress, and "It's not part of the job description that you come up here and you HAVE to introduce a bill."
- He does not want to be called a Georgia Peach: "To me, a Georgia peach would be a female." Colbert asks if he's not "secure enough in his masculinity" to be called a Georgia peach, and he replies, "I just don't wanna be a peach!"
Quite a thinker!
Oh, Stephen Colbert, how we miss your show. And Rep. Westmoreland? Enjoy them squirrel nuggets you fried up for dinner tonight. May the Lord bless them with the nutrition you need to come up with more REALLY SMART Benghazi questions for Hillary Clinton.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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