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LOL FUNNY


Hillary Clinton just showed America how she's going to run against Donald Trump, and it's like WHOA. Is she going to act like a Republican and make up fake scandals that waste America's time, money and energy, like they do to her? Nah, that's boring, and completely unnecessary, as she already has two big advantages stuffed in the pockets of her pantsuit: Donald Trump's words, and the words of so many Republicans, about how he is terrible and bad and scary and a fucking sociopath and will NOT Make America Great Again, even if it says that on his hat.

Aunt Hillary released TWO ads on Wednesday, one for each of the bottles of hot sauce in her bag. In the first one, we have Trump's own words, on deporting Muslims and Mexico sending America its finest rapists. What's so great about this is that she's just giving him MORE publicity, and taking the gamble that while these things may be popular with the sausage-fingered yokels who support him already, normal Americans find them INSANE. (We think that is a good gamble!)

In the second ad, Hillary just scrapbooked together all these clips of Marco Rubio calling Trump a "con artist" and Mitt Romney calling him a "phony" and Jeb! Bush basically calling him a pussy. Sen. Lindsey Graham even makes an appearance and shakes his Gone With The Wind fan in Trump's general direction! None of those idiot Republican candidates could beat Trump in the primary, because they basically agreed with everything he said. But now that we're just about to general election season, their words are mighty powerful when it comes to showing America just how hated Trump is, even by members of his own party.

Notice how Hillz doesn't actually appear in either of the ads? She's like "Y'all know who I am already, let's talk about THAT muh'fucker."

Donald Trump is getting all excited about his big plans for running against Hillary, and how he's just going to schlong her DOWN, but we are very for curious how that is going to work. Is he going to yammer about how she emailed LOLs to Sidney Blumenthal about Benghazi while Whitewatering Huma Abedin in the love hole? America is so bored by that "scandal." And there aren't any new ones, because the Clintons have been dissected like fetal pigs for the last 30 years and everybody already knows everything they need to know.

Trump, on the other hand? Looks like Hillz is just gettin' started.

[Mother Jones]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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