Hillary Clinton Celebrates Wellesley Commencement By Reading Donald Trump's Sad Ass FOR FILTH

Hillary is READING you right now.

Hillary Clinton emerged from the woods to deliver Friday's commencement speech at Wellesley College, something she also did in 1969 when she graduated from the ladies-only smarty pants institution of higher learning, and boy oh boy, she came with a message! It was a message of hope and inspiration and "you are the future!" and "you go kick some ass!" It was also a message of "LOLOLOLOLOL I'MA READ DONALD TRUMP FOR FILTH NOW," and after that it was a message of "LMAO! Want to hear a funny joke? DONALD TRUMP'S FACE!"

She started, of course, by COUGHING like a common PERSON with the PLAGUE who doesn't have the STAMINA to be PRESIDENT probably because she also has MALARIA and THE COMMON COLD, and maybe she wouldn't be so TIRED ALL THE TIME if she didn't always STAY UP AFTER MIDNIGHT doing PIZZAGATE.

But after she got some water and a lozenge she was fine. Here is your video, and below that we will tell you a few of the best quotes. Video starts after the COUGHING because that's just EMBARRASSING:

Hillary began by saying hey, that whole 2016 election sucked, but she's doing fine and reorganizing closets and drinking Chardonnay all the time.

She reflected on her own graduation from Wellesley and what was going on in the world at the time, the struggles of the Civil Rights Movement, the carnage of Vietnam, and oh also one other thing:

HILLARY: We were furious about the past presidential election, of a man whose presidency would eventually end in disgrace with his impeachment for obstruction of justice ...


HILLARY: ... after firing the person running the investigation into him at the Department of Justice.

We see what you did there, Hillary!

Hillary talked about how facts are literally dead because of the existence of the internet, and she even mentioned people "concocting elaborate, hurtful conspiracy theories about child abuse rings operating out of pizza parlors," because why not make fun of PizzaGate truthers? They are deplorable, and also very stupid, therefore they deserve it.

Along the lines of people making up shit and denying climate change, she found a way to dunk on Trump some more:

Some are even denying things we see with our own eyes ... like the size of CROWDS!

LOL let's look at a picture of Trump's pissant little flock of hicks next to Obama's ONE BILLION adoring fans, viaPBS:

Hillary talked about how some people are real baskets of hippopotamus smegma, you know, people like Donald Trump:

In the years to come, there will be TROLLS GALORE. Online and in person! Eager to tell you that you don't have anything worthwhile to say or anything meaningful to contribute. They may even call you a NASTY WOMAN.

Hillary got very serious as she called bullshit on Trump's cruel budget, and talked of the dangers of leaders who attempt to create their own realities, as that is literally one of the hallmarks of an authoritarian regime. She also told the graduates why she was telling them these things:

You don't own a cable news network. You don't control the Facebook algorithm. You aren't a member of Congress -- YET. Because I believe with all my heart that the future of America, indeed the future of the world, depends on brave, thoughtful people like you insisting on truth and integrity, right now, every day.

You didn't create these circumstances, but you have the power to change them.

The rest of the speech was pretty great too, and you should watch the whole thing. It was inspiring and beautiful and also she told everybody her secret method for doing Benghazi with her emails. She then delivered, in highly coded speech, the locations of all the newest, freshest bodies from her last year of Clinton Body Counting. OR DID SHE?

Nah she didn't, she just gave a really fucking amazing commencement speech and it will probably make you laugh and cry, unless you're a fuckhead, in which case go to hell.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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