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COUGHING LADY


With the way mainstream media outlets (not to mention Fox News) are fucking up lately, ginning up fake outrage about nonexistent Hillary Clinton "scandals," so many news organizations are going to have to delete their accounts, and then there will be no accounts no more, except Wonket and a couple other websites. You know all those hilarious conspiracy theories out there about how Hillary Clinton is dying of herpes and syphilis and ennui and whatnot? Well, Hillz did a rally in Cleveland, and at one point, SHE COUGHED. And not only did she cough, but she went on a coughing jag, which is something people do 1) when they are secretly dying or 2) when their throats get dry, or something gets caught back there, maybe because they have been, oh, we don't know, DOING A LOT OF PUBLIC SPEAKING LATELY?

Also, while coughing, Hillary made a joke about how she gets all allergic when she talks about her thin-skinned, possibly insane opponent, Donald J. Trump. Here, watch the DAMNING VIDEO:

Have you ever done any public speaking and had that happen? We have, and it SUCKS, and you have to keep going. That's why it can take FOUR MINUTES for it to go away.

NBC News has apparently never done any public speaking, and probably lives with its mom in the basement of 30 Rock, because it published a SHOCK ARTICLE! about this little coughing jag.

It is literally just a few paragraphs on "Hillary coughed," either because the reporter is A Idiot, or the person who assigns him stories is. We do not know which.

As Josh Marshall points out, this unleashed the attack monkeys of the wingnut parts of the internet, which is predictable since the "Hillary Health" thing is their conspiracy theory to begin with. They believe she has to fake opening jars of pickles; they believe when she leans against things, that is evidence that her poor, frail body won't stay up any longer; they believe she can't climb stairs, due to her Parkinson's, or maybe her Down syndrome.

Here, as of this writing, is the top left corner of closet case Matt Drudge's website:

CHOKE!

And Breitbart has several articles up today, which are all about how Hillary Clinton, Benghazi Email Demon, hacks up her lungs all the time, whenever she wants, like the all-powerful, rapidly dying ogre demon she is:

Oh, Breitbart. Hillary's coughing jag is long over, but your boy Trump's hands still haven't grown to adult size. Text us when that happens.

Speaking of Trump, he is just wondering why nobody in the mainstream media is even talking about this, because we guess he's too stupid to Google things to find out if they are true. That'd explain most of his campaign, #ZING! Anyway, his tweet came out long after the NBC piece, because Trump is pathetic:

As far as pushback in the other direction, the sane direction, the one about PEOPLE COUGH SOMETIMES GET THE FUCK OVER IT, there is New York Times TV critic James Poniewozik, from the same New York Times that is the world's finest purveyor of Ginned-Up Hillary Clinton Scandal Porn. We see his point but wonder if he should, instead of tweeting meany words to NBC, hit REPLY ALL to everyone he works with, telling them to shut the ever-loving fuck up:

Finally, here is Hillz's traveling press secretary, telling the NBC reporter to fuck off. Hard to imagine how he found time to do that, what with how on top of his normal duties, he probably has to prop Hillary up in bed every five minutes, give her one million Epi-Pens for all her seizures, and constantly give her the Heimlich, to dislodge all the sin, lies and disease stuck in her throat at all times:

Speaking of tweeting, lots of people are tweeting at the NBC reporter, Andrew Rafferty, about how much he sucks. You shouldn't pile on, unless you want to, we are not your real dad and you can do what you want.

[NBC / Talking Points Memo]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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