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HE'S BRINGING PRESENTS!


The intertubes are blazing hot right now with news that, for whatever godforsaken reason, Donald Trump is flying his orange ass to Mexico for the purpose of ... ??? Unclear. He will meet with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto, because Peña Nieto invited him. Afterward, Trump will go to Arizona, to give a yooge immigration speech, where he clarifies that his policies on immigration are ... ??? Unclear. Is he carrying some of the taco bowls from Trump Tower down to teach Peña Nieto how to Make Mexican Food Great Again? We hope so!

This is good news for John McCain Hillary Clinton, who is lying in her pantsuit-shaped bed back at Clinton HQ, doubled over laughing at the idea that Trump, who has spent his entire campaign calling Mexicans rapists and murderers, and who is more unpopular in Mexico than the Mexican president (who is SO unpopular), thinks he might accomplish anything good down there. Hillz is also curious which of Trump's mean girl Mexican tweets he wants to discuss while he's on their soil:

Here is what her campaign has to say:

Donald Trump is headed to Mexico to meet with the country’s president, Enrique Peña Nieto. If you’re surprised by that news -- well, you’re not alone.

After all, Trump announced his campaign for president by calling Mexican immigrants “rapists” and criminals (“and some, I assume, are good people,” he added generously). Trump has been publicly disparaging Mexican immigrants—and the entire nation of Mexico—for years. And years. And years.

That's followed by ELEVENTY THOUSAND tweets, of Trump talking about building walls, saying ISIS has training camps eight miles into Mexico, saying Mexico is "not our friend," and so on. Her list is REALLY GOOD! But she forgot one, from way back in 2014:

Ayup, he said Mexico is one of our ENEMIES. If you're curious which other nations are our ENEMIES, according to Trump, the answer is probably "All of them, Katie, except Russia, I like Russia, Putin has said very nice things about me." Seriously.

So what does Trump want to accomplish by going into ENEMY TERRITORY? Vice presidential wanna-be Mike Pence says Trump will be "very clear" about building a wall between the U.S. and Mexico, so maybe Trump will march his fanny into the Mexican president's office, hand him a hammer and a nail and refuse to leave until Little Enrique BUILDS THAT FUCKING WALL. (Little Enrique has already said that ain't never gonna happen. He's also compared Trump to Hitler in the past, so there's that.)

Maybe Trump ALSO thinks this will make Latino voters love him! Maybe he thinks he's going to prove to America that he's a real statesman, willing to sit down and negotiate with "the enemy," to stop the flood of Mexican rapists or whatever. According to the Washington Post, the idea came from Trump's campaign racist-in-chief, Stephen Bannon:

Bannon said it offered Trump an opening to make headlines and showcase himself as a statesman who could deal directly with Mexico.

Trump was intrigued by Bannon’s proposal and agreed, but not all aides and allies were as enthusiastic, the people said.

And those aides have now been executed.

Anyway, people are also wondering WTF Peña Nieto is thinking:

Mexican political leaders, including former President Vicente Fox, questioned why Peña Nieto would “legitimize” Trump by hosting him at the presidential palace. It’s raised the prospect that Peña Nieto, himself struggling amid unpopularity, could attempt to upstage Trump and denounce his anti-Mexico rhetoric.

“The most logical reason he would do this is so he could forcefully denounce Trump and try to reinforce his – elevate his standing among the Mexican voters,” [GOP lawyer Charlie] Spies said.” If he doesn’t do that, then I agree with the criticism of people like former President Fox who believe that this is an honor that Donald Trump has not earned.”

SPEAKING OF VICENTE FOX. Remember a few months back, when Peña Nieto said he wasn't building a damn border wall, and former El Presidente Fox reinforced that, by saying the 'F' swear at Trump? If you need a reminder:

I’m not going to pay for that fucking wall. He should pay for it. He’s got the money.

That hurt Donald Trump's thin-skinned feelings so many times! Trump said that because of the cussing, the Mexican wall would now be TEN FEET TALLER.

Well! Vicente Fox went apeshit on the television Wednesday, saying Trump "is not welcome" in Mexico. He's criticizing Peña Nieto, saying if the current Mexican president ends up looking like a giant wuss, he might even be "considered like a traitor" to the nation. It's safe to say, all around, that Fox is pissed:

“I apologize for our president,” Fox remarked. “I’m sure [Trump] is going to be rejected by everybody here in Mexico. We cannot accept this going on.”

As to Trump's visit being rejected by Mexicans, that's definitely what is happening.

Fox's words on Wednesday, of course, triggered Trump's insecurities, so he lashed out like UH, HEY VICENTE, do you remember when you invited me to Mexico, because you were very sorry for saying 'F' words to me? Fox responded by saying, UH, HEY SPOOGE-GRUNDLE, I only invited you to Mexico so YOU could say you are very sorry to the Mexican people, for calling them rapists. This exchange happened on the secure diplomatic channel known as Twitter:

Good times, Donald Trump is TREMENDOUS at international relations.

So, this is a thing that is happening, and it will be either a disaster or a fucking disaster, depending on how you look at it. Let's make ourselves feel better at the end of this post by giving you two hilarious tweets, one from Best Congressional Tweeterer ever, former Rep. John Dingell, and another one Dingell retweeted, from Rob Reiner, about Donald Trump's Excellent Messican Adventure:

Sums it up!

69 days until the national hell known as "this election" is over, y'all. 69 days.

[The Hill / Hillary's website / Politico / RawStory / Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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