Hopey Changey Jobby Againy Go Back To White Housey, Guess She Failedy In Californy, Big Frowny

White House
Hopey Changey Jobby Againy Go Back To White Housey, Guess She Failedy In Californy, Big Frowny

Jared's getting the old gang back together! With Hope Hicks and the hot one already signed on for the comeback tour, can Ol' Two Shirts Bannon and the wife beater be far behind?

Let's go out on a limb and assume that Hicks's attempt to reinvent herself as a West Coast publicist wasn't exactly a smashing success. The last we'd heard of her was in a gauzy Vanity Fair profile largely focused on the former White House liar's shiny hair and dedication to her fitness routine. There were, however, already hints of clouds on the horizon because she'd immediately gotten caught lying to the LA trade press like they were a pack of common Maggie Habermans.

"The journalist-publicist relationship in this town is all about the trust in the exchange of information," the reporter explained. "I'll sit on a story about A-B-C in the short term in exchange for X-Y-Z down the line. It's all about the long-term gain, and I don't think that she got that."

Other reporters moved on. It was a fairly minor issue, they told me, that was probably blown out of proportion because most people didn't want to like her. But the media executive made clear: "You do not lie. Not here. You will be run out of town."

Your Wonkette has no idea what went down with Hope Hicks in California. But we're gonna take a wildass guess that the habit of breezily feeding bullshit to a press corp that will swallow it as long as they can maintain their access didn't translate to her new gig. Either that or Jared begged her to come back since he and Vanky can't ever get a sitter anymore and it's taking a toll on their marriage.

Anyway, of course Maggie Haberman was first with the story of Hope's triumphant return to the White House as an advisor to Jared Kushner. And Haberman, who certainly does have unparalleled access, has the skinny on the return of former Trump body man Johnny McEntee to the White House, too, tweeting, "What is happening today is part of Kushner consolidating power. This all further weakens Mulvaney and is part of Trump's post-impeachment/pre-campaign effort to make over the government in his image."

Two years ago, McEntee was perpwalked off the White House grounds for "problems related to online gambling and mishandling of his taxes" which prevented him from getting the needed security clearance. LOL, remember when a little thing like that actually mattered? Now McEntee is back to head up the Presidential Personnel Office, responsible for the hiring and firing of hundreds of political appointees throughout the executive branch. Because who better to administer a loyalty test than a guy who knows he can be cast out of the garden of eden at any moment, right?

According to Haberman, Sean Doocey, the former PPO director shoved aside for the prodigal son's return, could have stayed to work for McEntee, but is instead heading to the State Department. Doocey was probably not long for Trumpworld anyway, after pissing off the Dear Leader last year by telling him it was illegal to skip Senate confirmation and just jam any immigrant basher in as head of DHS.

So the gang's all here, a little sadder and a little wiser. (Just kidding, we doubt it.) It's like a "Diff'rent Strokes" reunion, after all the cast members had been through some shit. Except instead of a Very Special Episode on the perils of sleeping with all your coworkers (AHEM), these assholes are back to destroy what remains of the functioning civil service in hopes of getting a madman elected to a second term. Which they certainly don't deserve, since this disaster jumped the shark long ago.


[VF / NYT / Politico]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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