House GOP Brings More Paycheck Pain to Federal Employees, Ignores Safeword

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Do you love this country? No, but do you really love it? Perhaps you are a federal employee who is willing to make less than you would in the private sector because you believe in your civic duty to make the government run better and be more efficient? Well, the House GOP has a message for you: Go Fuck Yourself.


Federal employees have had their pay frozen for three years already, and many are being furloughed this summer. But that’s not enough pain for masochistic Freshman Rep. Mark Meadows (R-NC). His bill, which will likely pass the House this week, would, “limit bonuses for rank-and-file federal employees to 5 percent of their base salaries,” according to GovExec.

“These bonuses exemplify Washington’s spending problem,” Meadows said during the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee’s markup of the bill.

Yes, Meadows, you hit the nail on the head. Our federal deficit is completely caused by the federal government mirroring the private sector by handing out bonuses to high-performing employees. DAMN YOU CAPITALISM! Let’s sexplore. 

The first thing to note is that, despite its habit of handing out up millions of dollars in bonuses each year, Congress is completely omitted from this bill. So folks like conservative Republican Study Committee Chair Jim Jordan (R-OH) can continue to hand out thousands of dollars in bonuses to his staff, which you can see on this nifty chart from CNN. Who are some of the other members who make it rain for their staff?

Appropriations Chairman Hal Rogers doled out more than $50,000 in bonuses, so maybe these federal employees should look for a job in his office. Other “conservatives” like Steve ‘second coming’ King (R-IA) and Jack Kingston (R-GA), who is running for Senate in Georgia, paid out bonuses to their staff even as they sought to freeze the pay of federal workers. We sure bet that their constituents who are furloughed (and losing up to 20% of their pay) are comforted to know that their tax dollars are going to staff bonuses for their members!

And sure, scummy libruls are also paying their staff bonuses. But unlike their hypocritical GOP colleagues, they aren't simultaneously trying to stop other branches of government from recruiting and retaining top talent.

Now many will moan and complain that federal employees make more monies than in the private sector. Well, this is true for some, but not for everyone. As Mother Jones points out, that’s only true for the less educated workforce. Once you get up to Master’s level and then PhD/JD/MD level, it begins to even out or the federal employees make less. But for fuck’s sake, do we really want to save money by punishing the people who work for the government even more? And not even all them people, just the ones that Meadows doesn’t have to see every day.

So we hereby nominate Rep. Mark Meadows for Wonkette's coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award, for his utter contempt for those who work so hard for this country he claims to love so much. As a nominee, and for his blatant hypocrisy and assholery, we will be sending him an extra-large bag of barbequed rat dicks, perfect for summertime grilling.

[GovExec/ CNN/ Mother Jones]

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