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By now, we all know about the gotcha video exposing Planned Parenthood for harvesting unborned baby parts -- and their souls!!! -- to sell on the black market, for money and for kicks. We also know the video is a family-sized crockpot of slow-roasted bullshit. (Yes, that is a thing we know. As we and everyone else have explained.)


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The video was produced and heavily edited by the Center for Medical Progress, aka, this 26-year-old jerkfaced jerkface named David Daleiden, who has spent the better part of his sad virgin life cosplaying with his fellow millennial anti-choice buddies and making creative videos to show how Planned Parenthood is doing abortion crimes all the time, except for not, because abortion is not a crime, it is legal, you dumb fuckholes.

The bullshittery of the video, made by a professional bullshitter, has not stopped his target audience of anti-choice activists and politicians from clutching their pearls, reaching for their smelling salts, collapsing on their fainting couches, and saying Planned Parenthood is the worst thing since Nazis. (That's according to Mike Huckabee, who has a really weird Nazi fetish, he talks about them all the time, it's gross and weird, and he needs a lot of therapy.)

Speaker of the House John Boehner says he can't even talk about the "disgusting" video, or else he will "vomit." Also, he will probably cry and start drinking early, like he does every day.

The rest of the fetus fetishists in Congress, who are always trying to shut down Planned Parenthood, now say we should shut down Planned Parenthood, as if that's new and not, like, something they have been trying to do since pretty much forever. But now that they have only just recently seen this damning video, their committees are going to do ALL the investigations into how Planned Parenthood is breaking the law, by being Planned Parenthood.

Funny side note about that: They're lying. According to Roll Call, at least two House Republicans saw the video a month ago, when the Center for Medical Progress first gave it to them and said, "Looky here what we got for ya!" But, huh, they did not say anything about it:

Rep. Tim Murphy, a member of the House Pro-Life Caucus and chairman of the Energy and Commerce subcommittee looking into the video, said at a Wednesday news conference he’d seen the clip weeks before. Asked afterward why he and others waited until this week to take action, Murphy struggled for an answer before abruptly ending the interview with CQ Roll Call, saying he should not be quoted and remarking, “This interview didn’t happen.”

Arizona Rep. Trent Franks (R-Dickweasel) -- one of the most rabid anti-choicers in the House, who only sounds like a Nazi sometimes because he's "100 percent unapologetically pro-life" and "won't back down" -- also saw the video a month ago, but he never said outraged words about it because reasons:

Asked why steps weren’t taken immediately after he viewed the video, Franks said in an email, “The hope was to have as much information as possible so that the authorities could be notified effectively before the media.”

So has Franks, or any of the Republicans, collected any additional information since viewing the video? Nah. Just a lot of angry telegrams from their constituents, probably, demanding that they DO SOMETHING! Do we think Franks and Murphy are the only two Republicans who were shown the video a month ago? Hahaha, don't be ridiculous! It's probably a safe bet the video was peddled to plenty of "pro-life" Republicans in the House, but, oddly, not a single one of them did anything about it.

Now, though, the video is out there. And people who are too lazy to know what they're talking about, but think "baby parts" sounds real bad and illegal, are demanding justice for aborted fetal tissue, or whatever, who cares, the point is BOO PLANNED PARENTHOOD!

So the 100 percent pro-life Republicans will have to be all OUTRAGED! now too, even though they apparently didn't give much of a fuck about it a month ago. Why, it's almost as if actually stopping Planned Parenthood, and standing up for the unborned babies, is just insincere rhetoric they use to raise money and fire up the base as needed. Oh, but we'd never suggest such a thing, especially not of the "pro-life" party that loves to hunt terrorists, bomb countries, and execute felons. We're not that cynical.

[Roll Call]

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