Speaker of the House John Boehner is going to have to hit the sauce and say ALL the swears so hard because he just failed to get his party to pass a bill to keep funding the Department of Homeland Security. Patriotism!

Despite all the tough talk from Boehner about how those lousy stinkin' obstructionist Democrats had better help him save face and get his job done -- hey, making sure the department in charge of securing our homeland is part of Boehner's job description, right? -- he couldn't even get enough members of his own caucus to support the "compromise" bill that would have kept the lights on for another three weeks, so we could have another manufactured crisis all over again mid-March. Patriotism even more!

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But House Republicans want their pound of presidential flesh, and they do not want to support a clean funding bill, not even a temporary one that would allow them to keep grandstanding and speechifying about illegal dictator Obama's executive action on immigration.

The compromise bill was a dumb idea to begin with, of course, since Democrats already said, "No, we will not participate in your charade to make it look like you are doing your job, just to have this fight three weeks from now." But pffft, this compromise was the best Boehner could do. Except he couldn't even get that done.

So Boehner gets to start all over again, begging the extremists in his party to pretty please give him something, anything at all. If you won't fund national security for another three weeks, how about another three days? No? How about until brunch tomorrow maybe?

Tick frickin' tock, Republicans. Midnight's just going to keep getting closer.