House GOP Wants To Investigate Hillary's Emails, Because That's Gone So Well In The Past

Deja vu all over again

Oh thank blessed baby Jesus, Republicans in the House of Representatives have decided to investigate Hillary Clinton's emails, because that's a thing nobody has done before. But here is the catch: They don't want to investigate the emails themselves -- yet -- but rather want to do an investigation into why James Comey, the Republican FBI chief who was appointed deputy attorney general by George Dubya Bush, is such a bought-and-paid for Shillary for Hillary. He's in the tank! Why didn't he just send her to prison and let the GOP have its moment of jizz-happy revenge?

Tell us the news, idiot pretty boy Paul Ryan:

"People have been convicted for far less," Ryan said during an interview with Megyn Kelly on Fox News's "The Kelly File," saying that he thought FBI director James Comey "was going to recommend prosecution" based on the FBI director's opening remarks in a press conference Tuesday.

Ryan said the FBI's decision not to recommend charges "underscores the belief that the Clintons live above the law."

That's what you get for thinking, Paul Ryan. We've told you just to sit there and look pretty many times, but you never listen. Ryan also says that, because Hillary committed all the crimes (LOL), she should not get classified briefings, because that's obviously how things like this work.

Whiny fucking twerp.

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]We think part of the problem here -- for dead-ender Republicans, as well as H.A. Goodman-type Bernie fans -- is that they're blackout drunk on their own sauce. They've gotten their sex genitals all lathered up in excitement, so convinced Hillary committed a heinous crime worse than burning an American flag with one hand and baking a cake for a homosexual with the other, but now that FBI director Comey has said there's no evidence Hillary committed an actual crime, they're sitting there with their dicks in their hands, with no clue where to direct their forlorn rage.

So House Judiciary Committee Chairman Bob Goodlatte (R-Clearly) fired off a letter to Comey, asking why he refuses to fry Hillary for her crimes, and House Oversight Committee Chair Jason Chaffetz (R-What A Idiot) is calling Comey to come testify about why he loves Hillary Clinton so much and why he is so bad at doing his FBI job:

“Individuals who intentionally skirt the law must be held accountable. Congress and the American people have a right to understand the depth and breadth of the FBI's investigation,” Chaffetz said in a statement."

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]Oh Jesus, you syphilitic crapweasel, the whole point of James Comey's presser was that, though he said Hillary and her minions were "extremely careless" -- just like many others in the State Department -- that he could find no evidence that she intentionally skirted the law. So there you go, Rep. Chaffetz, Wonkette just answered your fucking question for you, by reading your statement back to you. We'd say we'll take our check now, but unlike House Republicans, Wonkette doesn't like wasting taxpayer money on pointless bullshit.

So hooray, the House GOP can investigate the investigation of Hillary Clinton, and then maybe when it fails to come up with the SMOKING GUN, it can investigate the investigation again, and then maybe, for the sake of America and liberty and freedom fries and all that, it can investigate Hillary's emails directly. Five times, six times, eleven times, HOWEVER MANY IT TAKES.

[wonkbar]<a href=""></a>[/wonkbar]And then, once they've completely failed at that (probably a few years after the end of Hillary's second term) maybe they can investigate Benghazi some more, that would be a great use of their time!

Hey Democrats, you know what would be a good idea? Go vote in November, harder, wetter, faster and in greater numbers than you ever have before, and send these fucknuggets back under the rocks from whence they came.

[The Hill / The Hill once more]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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