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Well there you have it!


Oh how weird! One day after Democrats on the House Select Committee on Benghazi released their minority report showing that somehow Hillary Clinton is not the evil Benghazi-doer told about in legend, and moreover showing that Republicans on the same committee have been wasting everybody's time and taxpayer money for the last two years, the Republicans have released their own report. It is SHOCK! It is SCANDAL! It is 800 pages long -- or as Trey Gowdy wrote, "You can read this report in less time than our fellow citizens were taking fire and fighting for their lives on the rooftops and in the streets of Benghazi" -- so there must be some goodies in it, right?

LOL JK, it's a big flaccid dong of failure:

Ending one of the longest, costliest and most bitterly partisan congressional investigations in history, the House Select Committee on Benghazi issued its final report on Tuesday, finding no new evidence of culpability or wrongdoing by Hillary Clinton in the 2012 attacks in Libya that left four Americans dead.

The 800-page report, however, included some new details about the night of the attacks, and the context in which it occurred, and it delivered a broad rebuke of government agencies like the Defense Department, the Central Intelligence Agency and the State Department — and the officials who led them — for failing to grasp the acute security risks in the Libyan city, and especially for maintaining outposts in Benghazi that they could not protect.

Uh-oh pisketti-oh, sounds like those poor Republicans tried and failed and tried again (and failed again) to find all Hillary's dirty secrets so they could keep her from being preznit, and when that didn't happen, they ended up having to do some actual fucking work. What a concept!

The report, however, did not dispute that United States military forces stationed in Europe could not have reached Benghazi in time to rescue the personnel who died — a central finding of previous inquiries.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/601986/trey-gowdy-admits-nobody-could-have-stopped-hillarys-benghazi-murders"></a>[/wonkbar]As we have pointed out, Republican committee chair Trey Gowdy already dun accidentally admitted that out loud, so it would be pretty hard for him to go back and pretend otherwise.

In the GOP's summary of its report, you'll note that Clinton is only mentioned in passing, mostly rehashing for the 80 gazillionth time that same old tired question over whether it was a YouTube video that inspired the attacks, or whether it was just a regular, non-YouTube-inspired terrorist attack. We are still not certain why this was ever the GOP's sticking point in this investigation, but fucking whatever.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/595223/hillary-clinton-to-benghazi-committee-you-have-made-a-huge-mistake"></a>[/wonkbar]However, there are some very interesting things in the report, about military preparedness and coordination between American agencies, and the general insanity of the night of the attacks. (Note: Hillary was home alone that whole night.) Some of it probably is useful information that could help ensure things like this don't happen again! Alas, there's really not much new information.

We don't know why, but we are reminded of Hillary Clinton's opening statement in the ELEVEN-HOUR Benghazi hearing convened by this committee:

Our nation has a long history of bipartisan cooperation on foreign policy and national security. Not that we always agree; far from it. But we do come together when it counts. As secretary of state, I worked with the Republican chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations committee to pass a landmark nuclear arms control treaty with Russia. I worked with the Republican leader, Mitch McConnell, to open up Burma, now Myanmar, to democratic change. I know it's possible to find common ground, because I have done it.

We should debate on the basis of fact, not fear. We should resist denigrating the patriotism or loyalty of those with whom we disagree.

So I’m here. Despite all the previous investigations and all the talk about partisan agendas, I’m here to honor those we lost, and to do what I can to aid those who serve us still.

My challenge to you, members of this committee, is the same challenge I put to myself: Let’s be worthy of the trust the American people have bestowed upon us. They expect us to lead, to learn the right lessons, to rise above partisanship, and to reach for statesmanship. That’s what I tried to do every day as secretary of state, and it’s what I hope we’ll all strive for here today, and into the future.

It's like she's actually on the same page with what House Republicans at least say they want to accomplish, when it comes to protecting Americans and American interests abroad. Throughout that hearing, Hillary engaged both sides thoughtfully on what happened, what could have been done better, and what should be done next time. In fact, we don't even know why we are covering this on June 28, 2016, when we FUCKING COVERED ALL OF THIS IN OCTOBER OF 2015.

So, any other big SCANDAL REVELATIONS here? Oh, just that Republican Reps. Mike Pompeo and Jim Jordan have issued their own 48-page addendum to this report, apparently because they're GRRR MAD that the GOP's official report isn't mean enough to either Hillary or the Obama administration. Considering that the thing that confused Pompeo the most during the Benghazi hearings was that Sidney Blumenthal had Hillary's email address, whereas nobody cool EVER emails Mike Pompeo, you can be certain it's delightful reading.

So there you have it. All the BENGHAZI!!!!!!111!!!1! info-tainment you could ever want has now been released. Perhaps you can put all these reports by your preferred shitter, to get your bowels moving while you're making your morning boom booms for the rest of the summer.

As for Gowdy and the other Republicans on the committee? We sure do hope they're serious when they say, as Rep. Martha Roby stated in the report's summary, that they hope their report "will help ensure we fix what went wrong so that a tragedy like this never happens again."

We trust the House Republicans will be willing, thrilling and able to partner with Hillary Clinton on that work, when she is president.

[New York Times / CNN / House Benghazi Report]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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