How Are America's Gun Jerks And Terrorists Keeping Us Safe This Week?
Points for wearing ear protection, but those shell casings are hot, miss.

The week since the El Paso and Dayton mass shootings has been awfully busy for America's heavily armed sociopath demographic! There have been a spate of bizarre gun threats involving Walmart, not to mention a bunch of white supremacists who got arrested after threatening mayhem in other locations. Plus the formal charges against the guy who threatened to shoot Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in late July, but who can remember the dim, misty past of three weeks ago?

Then again, every week is a busy one for Americans and their guns, with roughly 100 Americans dying by gunshot daily -- about 60 percent are suicides, about a third are homicides, and then there are accidents and "other" to round out the rest. Small price to pay to ensure we can overthrow the government like Thomas Jefferson wanted! For a nice depressing read, check out this Reuters overview of just a fraction of the gun deaths in the week between the mass shooting in Gilroy, California, and the murder sprees in Texas and Ohio.

On top of the normal background radiation of the 800 Americans dead (give or take, depending on the breaks) in routine shootings since Dayton, we've had a notable round of crazies with guns who were stopped from shooting anyone, at least so far. Let's tally those up, starting with an assload of threats involving Walmart, where low prices and uncertain odds of walking out alive are just the beginning.

Winter Park, Florida: A 26-year-old man was arrested after posting Facebook threats to shoot up a Walmart. The gentleman wrote, "3 more days of probation left then I get my AR-15 back. Don't go to Walmart next week." Officials said in a news release that the guy "appears to believe in the white supremacist ideology and has a history of posting threats on Facebook using fictitious accounts."

During his arrest, he was "uncooperative and belligerent," telling one cop, "Officer, I hope that the next call you go to, you get blown away and killed. God, I pray that happens." He also demanded another cop say whether he was Hispanic or not, which the guy really needed to know, because "they are what is wrong with this country. They come in and are ruining everything." When an officer (it's not clear if it was the same one) told the dude he wasn't Hispanic, the dude replied, "OK, well then, I guess I won't pee in your car, then," which was pretty generous of him.

He also made a lot of funny faces during his first court appearance, according to WKMG-TV.

Lucky thing he was also not charged with MUGGING! The judge in his case reduced his bond from $25,000 to $15,000, "on the condition that he stay 1,000 feet from any Walmart." Why not, he seems trustworthy.

Kansas City, Missouri: Kansas City police and the FBI are investigating a threat on Reddit from someone who said they wanted to commit the "biggest mass shooting in modern American history" at an unspecified Walmart in the area. The person claimed to have two AR-15 semiautomatic rifles and 22 pipe bombs.

Springfield, Missouri: A 20-year-old man was arrested after decking himself out in full tactical asshole gear, including body armor and over 100 rounds of ammunition, and strolling into a Walmart with an AR-15-style rifle and a handgun to do some shopping. He said it was a "social experiment" to see whether his Second Amendment rights would be given the respect -- and perhaps adulation -- he felt they deserved. He recorded the visit on his cellphone so he would capture anyone trying to violate his rights.

Instead of praising him for bravely exercising his Constitutional Rights like a great patriot, Walmart managers pulled a fire alarm because they were sure he'd start shooting. This is because people do not understand law abiding patriots. When the alarm went off, the man headed for a fire exit himself, where he was held at gunpoint until cops arrived, by another armed shopper exercising his Second Amendment rights. Happily, neither good guy with a gun decided to take out the other.

Mr. Social Experiment said his wife and sister had told him not to do his little stunt, but he ignored them, possibly because what can woman know of such things? He also claimed to be puzzled by the fearful reactions of everyone around him, because do they not know that guns make America safer?

"This is Missouri," he told investigators, according to law enforcement. "I understand if we were somewhere else like New York or California, people would freak out."

Despite the man's clear love of America and freedom, he was charged with making a terroristic threat, a second-degree felony. In a statement, the county prosecutor said, "Missouri protects the right of people to open carry a firearm, but that does not allow an individual to act in a reckless and criminal manner endangering other citizens." But what good is freedom if you do not use it any time you like, especially within days of two massacres? Indeed, the man told police he had gone to Walmart in full battle rattle to protect himself, in case of a similar attack. That should go over great with a jury!

Elsewhere: CNN lists five OTHER threats/incidents involving Walmarts around the country -- plus the above three -- because copycat terrorism is a thing.

But it's not just the Walmarts! It's also general white power terrorism, too.

Las Vegas: A 23-year-old racist supersoldier dude was arrested and charged with planning to attack a synagogue and a gay bar. He'd allegedly "sent encrypted messages to white supremacists this year discussing a possible attack using Molotov cocktails and other improvised explosives," had bomb-making materials in his home, and also had other big plans, too.

[Racist supersoldier dude] told the FBI he had also been looking at creating an eight-man "sniper platoon" to conduct a shooting attack against Jews, court documents said, a plan he said he had been considering for two years. The 23-year-old also claimed he was trying to recruit a homeless person to conduct surveillance on a possible target, according to the complaint.

He'd been in contact with the violent neo-Nazi group Atomwaffen Division, which despite sounding like a cheesy metal band is a cheesy anti-government terrorist club that wants to kill minorities and do the whole race war thing. At least five deaths have been associated with those very fine people.

Oh yes, and in 2016, the racist supersoldier dude was filmed walking around his neighborhood with an AR-15, looking for unspecified threats that he could blow away.

UPDATE: Armed civilian agrees to drop weapon to get

Boulder, Colorado: A 29-year-old man was arrested on child porn charges after he lost his phone on a bus; the phone was loaded with "thousands of still images of minors from infants to preteens, hundreds of videos, and web searches for violent child pornography." Beyond that, the man had been prevented from buying a gun in May when a background check showed he had "previously been committed to a mental institution or found to be mentally defective." A federal search warrant for his phone found searches for locations of mosques and synagogues in the Denver area. Turns out that even before he misplaced his kid porn phone, he'd already gotten the attention of authorities. He'd been

interviewed by the FBI in January after posting a "hunting guide" online listing mosque and synagogue addresses, telling investigators that "although (he) did not label himself a white supremacist, [dude] wanted the white race to win at life."

Concord, California: A 23-year-old white supremacist was arrested after posting threats about killing Jews in an online video game platform. See? It IS the video games!

The case is based on online postings to the video game platform Steam, in which [dude] allegedly talked about wanting to mimic the Poway synagogue shooter "except with a Nazi uniform on," and said he wanted "a body count of at least 30 (Jews)," using anti-Jewish slurs throughout.

In the postings, [dude] allegedly talked about how it would be cool to livestream the massacre while playing "Nazi music." Police say his screen name was "Adolf Hitler (((6 million)))," and that Nazi literature was recovered in a search of his home.

The anti-Semitic supersoldier had also bragged that he had the mad skillz needed to construct his very own assault rifle. And indeed,

When authorities searched his home [...] they reportedly found a homemade assault rifle, along with 13 magazines, a three-foot sword, camouflage clothes, pistol ammunition, a hunting knife, and books about Hitler youth and Nazi life, according to police.

Despite facing felony charges of making threats and manufacturing and possessing the assault rifle, the racist supersoldier was released on $125,000 bail, because this is America and he'd only made threats to massacre Jews in the name of Adolf Hitler. It's not like he'd done something truly unforgivable that would warrant permanent detention until trial, like the misdemeanor crime of crossing the border without authorization.

In conclusion, it has indeed been a very busy week for America's heavily armed maniacs, or at least the ones who've been caught because they didn't plan their murder sprees quietly enough. On the upside, at least the government is keeping us safe from undocumented people working at chicken-processing plants, so respect for the Rule of Law is at an all-time high.

[The Hill / Reuters / WKMG-TV / Business insider / WaPo / CNN / Buzzfeed News / San Jose Mercury News / Mercury News]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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