FOX NEWS ALERT: A Thing Happened, Or Maybe Not, IDK, It's Probably Nothing

How did Fox News cover its $787 million Dominion settlement? Squirrel!

 Fox News has an article on its website right now about a thing that happened. It says there was a settlement of some kind between Fox News and Dominion Voting Systems in the $1.6 billion defamation suit Dominion filed against Fox News. How much settlement? It does not say.

What exactly was this lawsuit about? Oh let's not get lost in the weeds.

It says the judge told the lawyers for both sides that they did a very good job of lawyering!

"I have been on the bench since 2010. … I think this is the best lawyering I’ve had, ever," [Judge Eric] Davis said, adding, "I would be proud to be your judge in the future."

The article says the settlement happened as as a trial was starting. It says a lot of people were interested in the trial!

It says some people on Donald Trump's legal team made "false and unsubstantiated claims" about Dominion.

The end! Good 162-word article on regular journalism website Fox News!

It was written by a reporter named Joseph Wulfsohn, and it says at the bottom that if you have any hot news tips for him, you can send them on. You might not think you have an important story to share, but you never know. Send him a tip that says "Moo cow!" or "Airp'ane!" He might have 162 words to write about it that neglect to confirm whether there was actually a cow that mooed or an airplane.

Such has been Fox News's coverage ever since it was announced that the network had settled with Dominion for $787.5 million, just under half of what Dominion was suing for, on the first day of Dominion's defamation trial against the network. Dominion brought the case because Fox News hosts and guests blatantly and knowingly and constantly lied about the 2020 election, including advancing brazenly bullshit conspiracy theories and claims about Dominion voting machines being used to steal the election from Donald Trump.

See, Mr. Wulfsohn? Writing words is possible!

Here are some more words: There's still a $2.7 billion defamation suit against Fox News coming down the pike from voting machine company Smartmatic.

Wonkette will have more words today on the settlement itself. In this post, we're just clowning on them trying to avoid talking about The Thing That Happened.

 Here is the initial report on the settlement from anchor Gillian Turner. In the tweet below, Nikki McCann Ramirez from Rolling Stone alludes to how, in the internal Fox News comms that came out because of this lawsuit, Turner was one of the Fox News personalities the network often quietly shunted off to the side after the 2020 election because she told the truth too much.

“Gillian Turner, who we learned in the Dominion evidence dumps had her on-air appearances quietly downgraded by the network for fact-checking too hard, reports on the settlement”

— nikki mccann ramírez (@nikki mccann ramírez) 1681857366 

Turner tossed to noted complete fucking clown Howie Kurtz, who gave the play-by-play on what had just gone down in the courtroom, but would not say how much the settlement was, because "[a] Dominion lawyer gave reporters a dollar figure for the settlement, but I have not been able to independently confirm that."

We guess Howie Kurtz from Fox News needs to work on getting Fox News sources to confide information to Howie Kurtz from Fox News.

After the settlement, Fox News released a statement where they "acknowledged" that the court determined they were giant fucking liars (did not admit), and then said the settlement "reflects Fox's continued commitment to the highest journalistic standards," and that was the point Jake Tapper on CNN couldn't stop laughing as he read it.

Fox News also expressed hope in its statement that its settlement would "[allow] the country to move forward" from this. "The country." You betcha.

(Cue the "We Will Rebuild" meme with the knocked-over plastic lawn chair.)

“"I’m sorry. This is going to be difficult to say with a straight face." Jake Tapper can't help but laugh at Fox News' statement after reaching a $787 million settlement with Dominion.”

— Justin Baragona (@Justin Baragona) 1681850447 

For a full rundown on the reactions from Fox News's primetime hosts last night — who, to be clear , were the prime liars and offenders in the lawsuit from Dominion, the very same overpaid people who just cost the network MYSTERY NUMBERS OF DOLLARS, HOWIE — check out Rolling Stone. 

Spoiler, the story is that the primetime hosts didn't even mention it one time. What, you thought there would be an apology? LOL. 

So really, it's a story about what those fuckers talked about instead, and also some good reminders of all the lies that landed those hosts in the Dominion lawsuit in the first place. For example:

In text exchanges obtained by Dominion, Carlson, Hannity, and Ingraham mocked the claims being shopped out by Trump lawyers Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani, and questioned the legitimacy of their assertions against Dominion.

“Sidney Powell is lying by the way. I caught her. It’s insane.” Ingraham wrote. Carlson responded that “Sidney is a complete nut. No one will work with her. Ditto with Rudy,” and added his feeling that the whole circus was “unbelievably offensive to me. Our viewers are good people and they believe it.”

Can't wait for discovery from the Smartmatic lawsuit.

[ Fox News / Rolling Stone ]

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