Don't try this at home.

In Thursday's "The Trump Files," Mother Jones's continuing series of daily blasts from Donald Trump's past, Max Rosenthal brings us this cheerful reminiscence from Donald Trump Jr. about how his dad taught him to be a man, at the age of four. Donnie Jr. was being interviewed for a 2006 CNBC show called "The Big Idea," and host Donny Deutsch wanted to know how he learned the skills that helped him become a successful real estate mogul in his own right -- you know, the skills other than growing up the son of a maybe-billionaire, at least. "I want the "next-generation billionaire secrets," demanded Deutsch. How can we mere basic cable watching slobs ever hope to become rich and successful? Might be too late for us, but we can at least hope to bring our children up to be paranoid and selfish!

We like the intro with its exciting rock music, hand-held camera and sudden zooms -- very edgy, and not at all dated by the time Wayne's World was made over a decade previously. Bu what an inspirational story!

You know, this is an interesting one. I learned it from my father at a very young age. It's a funny story, because it just goes to show how typical a business guy he is:

I used to kiss him before going to school every morning, right? Seven o'clock in the morning, I'm going to school—hugs, kisses, and he used to say a couple things. "No smoking, no drinking, no drugs." I think a great lesson for any kid. But then he followed up with: 'Don't. Trust. Anyone. Ever.' And, you know, he'd follow it up two seconds later with, 'So, do you trust me?' I'd say, 'Of course, you're my dad.' He'd say, 'What did I just—' You know, he thought I was a total failure. He goes, 'My son's a loser, I guess.' Because I couldn't even understand what he meant at the time. I mean, it's not something you tell a four-year-old, right? But it really means something to him, because he knows so many people who've been taken advantage of, whether it's by colleagues -- I'm sure we've all seen that -- but even families.

So he's just, he always has his guard up, and it's something really important for business. Someone really always wants what you have, especially when you're on top in the position that he's in. So he's always been very guarded about that.

Huh. Well, that's some pretty brilliant insight into the sort of thing that could require years of therapy in order to establish stable relationships! Hahaha, we are kidding -- other people do not matter because you can't trust them and they will screw you over. Teach your children well!

For once, we don't suspect a Trump is lying. That description of Donald Trump, Dad of the Century, sounds perfectly consistent with the behavior of a man who would completely stop paying for his infant great-nephew's medical care. Who cares that the kid had cerebral palsy and seizures? Trump was angry at his nephew, Fred Trump III, who sued after being cut out of Fred Trump Jr.'s* will. As the Talmud says, we see the world not as it is, but as we are.

So yes, if anyone's an expert on people who've been taken advantage of, it's Donald Trump, the man who drives small businesses into bankruptcy when he doesn't feel like paying his bills, and who cut off a baby's medical care because he was pissed off at the baby's father.

Just imagine what a great dad he might be for All Of America!

*Update/Correction: The original version of this post mixed up the identity of the baby whose health care Donald Trump refused to pay for in a snit. Trump was angry at Fred Trump III, his nephew, after he contested the will of Donald's brother, Fred Trump Jr., which is the perfectly logical reason Trump left the disabled infant without health care. Thanks to the alert commenters who pointed that out! Wonket regrets the error, and deeply regrets sharing a planet with this jerk.

[Mother Jones]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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