How Dumb Is Matt Gaetz? Pretty F-in' Dumb!
No one ever accused Matt Gaetz of having good judgment. But that nitwit still manages to surprise us on the regular with his feats of dumbassery. To wit, Politico broke the news last night that feds are investigating whether Congressman Horndog obstructed justice by trying to either coordinate witness statements or get his sexxxxytime pals not to talk to the feds.
The allegations center on Gaetz's former girlfriend, whom he dated in 2017 and 2018 when she was working as a Capitol Hill intern during college. Politico reports that the pair were in an "open relationship that involved other women," including the woman on the possibly obstructive phone call and also the underaged victim at the center of the sex trafficking allegations, both of whom joined Gaetz on the 2018 trip to the Bahamas with Dr. Marijuana Handjob and his merry band of weed lobbyists.
(No shame, ladies, but you can do so much better!)
Politico has previously reported that the girlfriend feared drawing an obstruction charge herself and was seeking an immunity deal with prosecutors in exchange for her cooperation.
The woman grew increasingly concerned with the investigation because she may face obstruction charges after calling the alleged 17-year-old victim and her roommate, who were friends of hers from Central Florida, multiple sources said. The woman suspected that the 17-year-old and her roommate recorded her call perhaps because they were cooperating with the federal government, her friends said. That conversation could have exposed her to an obstruction of justice charge because she was opposed to talking to the feds, the friends said.
Last night's reporting added to the story further with details of another call from the ex-girlfriend to a potential witness in which Gaetz himself may have participated. Because if it happens in Florida, Marc Caputo's gonna find out about it.
The obstruction inquiry stems from a phone call the witness had with Gaetz's ex-girlfriend. At some point during the conversation, the ex-girlfriend patched Gaetz into the call, sources said. While it's unknown exactly what was said, the discussion on that call is central to whether prosecutors can charge Gaetz with obstructing justice, which makes it illegal to suggest that a witness in a criminal case lie or give misleading testimony.
Attempting to influence a witness's testimony would be really fucking stupid, particularly for someone who is licensed to practice law. And also really fucking on-brand for Gaetz, who was investigated by the Florida bar after tweeting at Michael Cohen on the eve of his congressional testimony, "Do your wife & father-in-law know about your girlfriends? Maybe tonight would be a good time for that chat. I wonder if she'll remain faithful when you're in prison. She's about to learn a lot…"
CNN confirmed Politico's scoop and added that Gaetz has hired a private investigator who has quietly "sought to gauge the support of some of the women he partied with as well as other people in his circle who are of interest to investigators." Again, there is a fine line between asking if a witness has spoken to the feds and attempting to coordinate testimony, and the penalty for being on the wrong side of it can be steep.
Meanwhile Gaetz's babyfaced spokesman Harlan Hill was in high dander.
"Congressman Gaetz pursues justice, he doesn't obstruct it," he huffed. "After two months, there is still not a single on-record accusation of misconduct, and now the 'story' is changing yet again."
Is it though? Is the story changing? Or is it getting worse every single day?
Yeah, probably that one.
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Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.