A Corporate Person with a legacy of overthrowing native governments to make it easier for their nice time plantations is still misbehavin'? Say it ain't so!

Dole Food Company allegedly knew its salad tested positive for deliciousness listeria about a year prior to an outbreak that killed at least four people.

Dole found listeria in its Springfield, Ohio, Bag O'Salad factory all the way back in 2014. Yet despite the onerous regulation requiring companies to notify the F.D.A. when there's a "reasonable possibility of (food) causing serious adverse health consequences," Dole did no such thing. But instead of letting the free market and ER doctors sort it out, those meddling and over-extended thugs at the F.D.A. went and found the gut-ravaging bacteria during a January 2016 inspection.

This isn't the first time Dole's Salad Sacks made people sick. In 2015, the state of Michigan found salmonella in Dole's spinach salad mix, prompting a recall. In 2014, Canadian authorities found listeria in Dole's "Italian Blend" salads, prompting another recall. Mama Mia! In fact, the Springfield plant led the charge against palatable vegetables.

The company found listeria in the plant at least five more times in 2014, and three times in 2015, according to the F.D.A. report. But the factory kept on churning out bagged salads until Jan. 21, five days after F.D.A. inspectors showed up. Dole initiated a recall a week later.

Despite the immoral shittiness of knowingly packaging lethal lettuce and selling it to consumers, it's really the getting caught part that could cause big problems for the longtime pineapple purveyor. Dole's Springfield facility recently reopened and Dole corp-splained some comforting assurances that their salad is good to go. You gotta live your life, Wonkers, but maybe just take 5 minutes and make your own salads for a little while.

Hooray! Another new robot thing-y to make us fatter

Two of Skype's co-founders created the Estonian company Starship. Starship created a six-wheeled "ground drone" because the future is here and it's all about delivering your groceries.

The robots are designed to work "autonomously." I guess so much for another bump in the burgeoning drone operator job sector. The robots have logged a lot of miles in some trials and so far people are responding to them better than most of their significant others.

In its trials so far, the Starship robots have encountered some 120,000 pedestrians. So far, no one has tried to abuse it. “It is really amazing but people seem to have an instant emotional connection to the robot,” says Starship co-founder Janus Friis.

That IS amazing, Janus. It sounds like some people finally found their soulmates - a robot box that brings them pretzels and People magazines without any of the typical homo sapiens sass. And good job not beating the crap out of the little guys, humans! (Though these trials obviously didn't take place in Philadelphia.)

[NYT / TechCrunch / Bloomberg]

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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