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Would still bang.


Monday night, when Donald Trump finished presidenting for the day and tiptoed up the stairs (because stairs is hard) to the White House residence, he took off his big boy clothes and put on his robe, and immediately bounded onto his bed so he could tweet at the rubes who follow him on the internet about how the House Intelligence Committee REALLY should be investigating Hillary Clinton. He was having a bad night, because he is frightened:

[wonkbar]<a href="http://www.wonkette.com/614652/presidents-son-in-law-gonna-do-business-all-over-americas-face-what-could-go-right"></a>[/wonkbar]One reason the president might have been rage-tweeting boom boom into his diaper is that it was reported Monday that the SENATE Intelligence Committee, the one that doesn't have his idiot pal Devin Nunes on it, is calling Jared Kushner to testify about his own nefarious dealings with Russia. Whoa if true! They are going to Jared! Donald Trump has a little crush on Jared, his son-in-law, which is why he gave him twenty-five thousand new jobs this week, including "solve Middle East" and "make meth go away so all the Trump voters don't die of meth before 2020." Jared is the best, sweetest guy, everybody likes Jared, and on top of that, Trump has it on good authority that Jared's wife is BANGIN' hot.

But here's the devastating news about Jared, from the failing New York Times:

The White House Counsel’s Office was informed this month that the Senate Intelligence Committee, which is investigating Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election, wanted to question Mr. Kushner about meetings he arranged with the Russian ambassador, Sergey I. Kislyak, according to the government officials. The meetings, which took place during the transition, included a previously unreported sit­-down with the head of Russia’s state­-owned development bank.

Wait, "state-owned development bank"? Would this be the same state-owned bank that has bizarre communications with the Trump Organization, that the FBI is still investigating? NO, that is Alfa Bank, which is not what we are talking about right now, but better luck playing Trump Russia Scandal Trivia next time! This is a different bank, called Vnesheconombank (VEB), and it is run by a dude-bro called Sergey Gorkov, who, as Rachel Maddow reported Monday night, actually went to the college where Russian spies go, to learn how to do Russian spying. In fact, here, have a Rachel Maddow professor lecture, about who Sergey Gorkov is, and why his meetings with He Went To Jared might be significant:

So, to get this all straight, during the Trump transition, there was a meeting with Kushner, fired national security adviser/foreign agent Michael Flynn, and Kislyak; there was a second meeting with Kislyak, but that time J-Kush sent his "deputy," according to the NYT; and then there was a third meeting, between Kushner and this Gorkov guy, that OOPSIE POOPSIE, Kushner did not report. Wonder what they talked about! Girls? Gorkov wanted Jared's hottest tips on ab workouts? Maybe a little chit-chat about that time Gorkov served as the deputy chair of the BIGGEST state-owned bank in Russia, Sberbank, which is like Vladimir Putin's favorite of all the state-owned banks in Russia, for money laundering? Maybe they talked about how all the banks where Gorkov works/worked were under American sanctions because of the Russian invasion of Crimea or something.

Whatever they talked about, we are guessing this is some of the FISA surveillance of foreign Russians that has innocently and coincidentally picked up conversations involving Russians in Putin's inner circle talking to every person Donald Trump has ever met, living or dead, including members of his family, #AwHowSweet! And the Senate Intelligence Committee wants to talk to Jared about it. Huh!

[wonkbar]<a href="http://www.wonkette.com/614614/everybody-wants-to-testify-in-trump-russia-investigation-now-everybody-except-russian-spy-michael-flynn-that-is"></a>[/wonkbar]But wait, they're calling Jared to testify, but not Michael Flynn? Oh that's right, remember, we have a conspiracy theory that's probably true about how Flynn has turned state's evidence against Trump, and he's currently under lock and key somewhere, just cold flipping on motherfuckers?

Anyway, all of this is probably nothing. Trump spokes-liar Hope Hicks said they didn't talk about lifting Ukraine-related sanctions on Russia, and they didn't talk about business (Kushner was still the head of Kushner Companies, his family's real estate biz, at the time), so we guess it really was just about ab workouts. And why wouldn't Gorkov want to talk to Jared about that? You see that belly up there? DAMN.

Unless!

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/612713"></a>[/wonkbar]Well, for one thing, as Marcy Wheeler notes, these Jared meetings were happening along a pretty similar timeline as Michael Flynn's December contacts with the Russian ambassador, where they yip-yapped about how Putin should chill out about all the sanctions President Obama put on Russia in retaliation for hacking the 2016 American election. So, uh, that's weird, especially since one of the Kushner meetings with Kislyak was, again, also attended by Flynn. (Wheeler reminds us to distinguish between the hacking sanctions and the Ukraine sanctions that are on all the banks Sergey Gorkov has been involved in. DULY NOTED!)

Also too, remember that British lady journalist Louise Mensch, who sometimes seems to be a little bit conspiracy theory bat-crazy, but who's also reported some stuff that turned out to be true, like the FISA warrant monitoring communications between the Trump Organization and Alfa Bank? She has a piece today with a whole theory of how Jared Kushner got caught on tape talking to Russian spies and Donald Trump did too, and we don't know if she's right or not, so fuck it, but you can read it if you want. It is very fun!

So we just don't know what to make out of all this! Is Jared Kushner guilty like his dad Charles Kushner, who went to jail for witness tampering (GROSS witness tampering) and a bunch of other stuff? Let's just go with "probably," since that's been a safe assumption about every member of the Trump regime so far.

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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