How Is Barack Obama Ruining America's Perfect Health Care Delivery System Today?


Caving to the incoherent spittle-filled demands of Republicans -- especially Texas Rep. Steve Stockman -- that Obama rewrite Obamacare but without rewriting Obamacare and take personal responsibility for personally writing bad code for the Obamacare websites, personally, the president held another at-home apology tour today, in which he used lots of awkward analogies (something about football and also seatbelts?) to explain AGAIN that he really did not anticipate how many Americans would be so dumb as to want to keep their craptastically craptastic insurance plans, and he is VERY SORRY he did not foresee that, and he is also VERY SORRY that he thought people would want better health insurance, and so he will allow insurance companies to keep offering you your craptastically craptastic insurance plans for another year if that will make you happy, you idjits. (He did not actually say that; we're just paraphrasing and reading between the lines, although really, we wish he would say that because it would be a lot easier to understand than all these weird rambling football analogies, and we're pretty sure that's what he actually meant.)

Naturally, Republicans applauded his efforts, in that they are now OUTRAGED!!!!! that Obama thinks he can just up and change Obamacare exactly like they wanted him to do by giving them exactly what they've been demanding. And they remain disappointed that despite all of Obama's apologies and taking personal responsibility for the failure of everything ever, he still refuses to take any responsibility for anything:

"So in terms of how I intend to approach it, I'm just going to keep on working as hard as I can around the priorities that the American people care about. And I think it's legitimate for them to expect me to have to win back some credibility on this health care law in particular and on a whole range of these issues in general. You know, that's on me. I mean, we fumbled the rollout on this health care law."

Yawn, snooze, whatevs. Haters gonna hate no matter how many times the president apologizes for making them hate him, but at least he is working hard to protect our right to keep our bad insurance for another year. For freedom et cetera. Notably, he did not address Rep. Louie Gohmert's just askin' questions about whether the president is using Obamacare to secretly raise a secret Obamacare army, which means he SO is, obviously. But oh no, he didn't even mention that, and the lamestream librul media White House Press Corps did not ask a single question about it because they were too busy asking the president to pinky-swear that the websites will always work every single time for every single person forever and ever, as all websites do, plus also something about Iran, but honestly, we lost track, what with being so freakin' bored out of our skulls.

If he wanted to make his press conference not quite so coma-inducing, he should have taken a page from Mayor Rob Ford and explained how much delicious pussy he gets at home. Another missed opportunity, Obama. INPEACH!



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