If America can agree on one thing, it's that Donald Trump is absolutely MISERABLE right now. And we're finally getting some of the palace intrigue tick-tocks we've been craving, so that we may wallow in Trump's pain and humiliation. What are we, the Marquis de Sade of reading Maggie Haberman articles? No, you are.

But we can read Maggie Haberman, that's OK. Here is how Trump felt yesterday, during his second impeachment, which is literally the only record he's ever set as president:


During the day, Mr. Trump periodically watched the impeachment debate in the House and told advisers he was furious with [Mitch] McConnell and felt blindsided by him. Yet his deeper anger was at the House minority leader, Representative Kevin McCarthy of California, for publicly condemning him, people close to him said.

SAD.

Also:

His relationship with his personal lawyer Rudolph W. Giuliani, who encouraged him to believe conspiracy theories about widespread election fraud, has frayed, one adviser said. The president was offended by Mr. Giuliani's request for $20,000 a day to represent him in the election fight, which Mr. Giuliani denied making but which was in writing, and told aides not to pay him at all, an adviser to Mr. Trump said.

Hahahahahaha, what if Rudy doesn't get his pardon? Anyway, SURPRISE, Trump is a cheapskate who doesn't pay his bills, and if you didn't know this about him by now, maybe you shouldn't have been using your own Platinum card to book landscape company parking lots in suburban Pennsylvania. (We don't know whose credit card that was on.)

Anyway, they are reportedly blocking Rudy's calls at the White House, so that's sad. And Trump is just having a really hard time getting (real) lawyers to represent him in his (latest) Senate impeachment trial, since White House Counsel Pat Cipollone is letting ERRBODY know he's not involved, and Jay Sekulow won't do it either. At this rate, we hear it's supposed to be Roodles the Clown and John Eastman, Trump's newest clown lawyer, the one who thinks Kamala Harris is ineligible to be veep because she's Black her parents were immigrants. Bloomberg has more on all that.

Back to impeachment day! This is not sad, it is hilarious:

Advisers said that Mr. Trump had to be dissuaded from going to the House floor to try to defend himself during Wednesday's impeachment proceedings, something he wanted to do during his first impeachment in December 2019, advisers said.

OMG, that would have been so great, though! Why did they block him? HOW RUDE. It woulda been better than that creep from Colorado shaking his weenus around about how the Capitol was attacked because Sarah Huckabee Sanders didn't get her chicken dinner.

Habes reports that after he was impeached for the hundredth time, Trump gave some meaningless freedom medals to Toby Keith, because wouldn't YOU want a freedom medal from a twice-impeached loser who's getting evicted next week? He gave one to Rush Limbaugh, and that guy's the most worthless piece of shit who ever lived, so you might as well get one, Toby Keith! Freedom medals for everyone!

Habes also reports that there are some in the White House trying to get him to resign early, but Trump refuses, which is going to be funny for him if/when it turns out that he actually can't pardon himself for corrupt purposes, according to judges.

Finally, pretty much nobody is coming to work at the White House this week, and the ones who are there certainly aren't going near the Oval, because peee yew Trump stink.

Thank you for your service, Marge Haberman!

Did you know there's ALSO an Ashley Parker/Josh Dawsey/Philip Rucker special in the Washington Post, which covers some of the same ground? There is! What are you, the Marquis de Sade of Parker/Dawsey/Rucker specials? Probably. You are weird.

Here's how it starts:

When Donald Trump on Wednesday became the first president ever impeached twice, he did so as a leader increasingly isolated, sullen and vengeful.

With less than seven days remaining in his presidency, Trump's inner circle is shrinking, offices in his White House are emptying, and the president is lashing out at some of those who remain. He is angry that his allies have not mounted a more forceful defense of his incitement of the mob that stormed the Capitol last week, advisers and associates said.

Read the rest of it if you must. Mostly it is just that Trump hates Mike Pence and he hates Rudy and, yep, they got the thing about how Trump doesn't want to pay Giuliani's legal fees, and he's mad at Kayleigh Mac for not defending him and he's mad at Jared and he's mad at Mark Meadows and he's mad at Larry Kudlow and he's mad at everybody and he's "feeling increasingly alone and isolated and frustrated," according to an anonymous official, and he hates Mitch McConnell he hates them he hates them he hates them he hates them he hates them he hates them he hates them he hates them he hates them HE HATES THEM HE HATES THEM HE HATES THEM HE HATES THEM HE HATES THEM HE HATES THEM HE HATES THEM HE HATES THEM!

Most of all he hates himself.

And he can't tweet about it.

[New York Times / Washington Post]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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