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No, Yr Wonkette hasn't turned into a bondage website! That's Stormy Daniels taking a polygraph in 2011. Anyway, you strap in, too, because there is a whole heap of Nekkid Donald Trump news today, so let's type fast!

So, did they bone?

Oh, gosh the suspense is killing us! Can it possibly be true?

YUCK. That's the result of the polygraph from 2011. NBC has the whole thing up, including an affidavit from the examiner.

Michael Cohen, care to make this WORSE?

Take your best shot, Barry Zuckerkorn! Do you think the court will enforce that facially illegal damages provision in your supercrafty Hush Money agreement? You really think you're going to get $20 million from Stormy for talking about bareback bits-bumpin' with the president? Go ahead, just tell that Vanity Fair reporter what you really think!

The more I’m thinking about it, I might even take an extended vacation on her dime.

Outta the park, counselor! Nothing makes your billionaire client seem sympathetic like salivating over what you'll do when you extract money from a woman who dances in nightclubs.

BUT WAIT, Cohen's own attorney David Schwartz is coming up to bat. Can he top that?