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How To Fake a 68-Page Republican Jobs Plan With Gigantic Fonts

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Say you're a Republican candidate somewhere and unemployment is awful because the actual heart of our consumer-debt economy has died, forever, and plus you are "small government" so you can't actually propose anything, but still you need to talk about jobs because in, say, Wisconsin, jobs come first! That is a good slogan, no? Now what to do about the other 67 pages of your 68-page jobs plan? What will you do about that, Wisconsin GOP gubernatorial candidate Scott Walker?


Lest you think this is just some idiotic "temp worker" accidentally setting the font size to GINORMOUS and then letting an evil "local politics blogger" get hold of it, the actual PDF on the actual candidate's website is named "SCOTT WALKER'S 68-PAGE JOBS PLAN!", all caps and including the exclamation point. And that's how it goes, for 68 pages that are the portable-document-format equivalent of having a crazy old person scream in your ear for an hour.

Oh yeah he's also way ahead in the polls, so, uh, go Wisconsin! [SCOTT WALKER'S 68-PAGE JOBS PLAN! (PDF) via Wonkette operative "Cyndee"]

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DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

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Photo by Dominic Gwinn

With the first Democratic debate coming up tonight (join us here for livebloog, dummies!), Elizabeth Warren is out with yet another policy proposal, this time to guarantee that all Americans have the easiest possible access to voting in federal elections. A good bit of it overlaps with the House Democrats' proposal, earlier this year, to guarantee voting rights. But Warren goes even beyond that ambitious plan a bit, because she is a badass who wants elections to be fair and free from computer hacking -- and from less exotic forms of fuckery. Needless to say, her insistence that all Americans should be able to vote will be decried as some kind of power grab, because that's what it is: a plan to grab power away from the Republicans who have engineered electoral advantages well beyond their actual support among Americans. You can see the bumper stickers now: FAIRNESS ISN'T FAIR.

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