Donald J. "Fuck You and Your Dumb Loser Moron Mother" Trump told us he is worth "TEN BILLION DOLLARS," and now we get to find out how much he is lying about that. Forbes says he is only worth a piddly no-all-caps $4 billion, and he is only #405 on the list of richest fucks in America, what a loser. The 92-page financial disclosure report, required of all presidential candidates, has finally been released so we can see whether Donald Trump's assets are in fact as YOOOGE as his balls. For example:

Donald J. Trump earns about $250,000 per speech. He holds at least $265 million in debt. And he receives income of $110,000 from a pension with the Screen Actors Guild.

Also, he makes money from investing in a wide range of classy stuff, like Target (fuck you, Macy's!), and cigarette maker Altria (formerly known as Philip Morris), and also Whole Foods, so you can feel extra good knowing that when you shop for that overpriced vegan yuppie tofu chow, you're helping to make Donald Trump EVEN MORE RICHER! Good for you, liberals, have a gluten-free cookie.

Donald The Trump is also the boss of pretty much all the companies IN THE WORLD:

It shows that Mr. Trump holds executive-level positions or financial stakes with 515 entities spanning from New York to Dubai to the Brazil. [Sic, because the The New York Times doesn't have editors, apparently.]

And he likes the golden arches, because GOLD, duh:

And let us not forget that he is a published author of more than a dozen books, and they are all about how to get rich and kick ass, and go bankrupt and then get rich even more and kick ass even more, like Donald Trump. For example, Trump: The Art of The Comeback and How To Get Rich and Think Big And Kick Ass In Business And In Life. But nobody buys those books anymore, SAD, so his income from those is "none (or less than $201)." But that's OK, because he more more than none dollars on other stuff, like back-coming and getting rich and kicking ass, in other ways.

The Trumpster also has many limited liability corporations, about 240 of them, that are named Trump This LLC, and Trump That LLC, and Trump You Right In Your Face LLC. He is so good at LLCing. Maybe we will read some of his books to learn how to do that, and get rich, and kick ass.

In conclusion, Donald Trump is a rich motherfucker, but maybe not as rich as he said, but still pretty fucking rich, so sure, we should make him president of All Of Us LLC, why not?

[Forbes / WSJ / NYT]

Donate with CC

The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

Donate with CC

Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC




©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc