"I have never been a quitter."
Although editing Wonkette for the last 20 months has permanently destroyed any remaining faith I might've had in the democratic process, and America as whole, it has also been a helluva lotta fun. And I'll miss it! I've grown to hate each and every elected official in this great nation, but there's still something slightly pleasurable in viciously attacking them. And now, as I compose my final post for Wonkette until I quit Gawker in two years and end up the editor of Jezebel for some reason until I'm fired and shipped back here because I'm otherwise unemployable and no one else on Earth is willing for work for Nick Denton anymore, I feel a little sadder than I thought I would. Also drunker. I've been hitting the bottle since noon!
First off, thanks to George "Macaca" Allen and John "Walnus" McCain for allowing me to help, in some small way, destroy their dreams of political advancement.
And: Thanks to Ana Marie Cox for not hating me, and for sending me awesome jokes I happily ripped off during my first few months, and for eventually telling me, after I'd been at it for a year or so, that the site was finally funny again. (No no, she was right -- I sucked for a long time!) And thanks to David Lat for letting me crash on his couch for a couple weeks back in February of '06 when I was homeless and broke -- oh, and also for being a fantastic co-editor, who was much better at convincing people to read these "new Wonkettes" than I ever was.
Our interns have all been great, our columnists and contributors fantastic, we have the best regular guest-editors on the internet, and our commenters eventually started being funny -- now they're sometimes much funnier than the posts they're commenting on. Liz Gorman is an angel, I could not have made it through any of the various interminable and horrific events I covered without her there to go out and smoke and bitch with me. Soon as you're of age, I will buy you so many drinks, Liz. (Oh, and Glover? She's nuts! But awesome!)
And obviously thanks to Ken Layne for being basically a genius. He forced me to be better at this whole Wonkette thing just by consistently posting, every day, the funniest things I've ever read on a blog, besides the other things he's written on other blogs, most of the rest of which have now been shuttered and burned down and fed to wolves.
Guys: I am not supposed to tell you this but it is Ken's birthday today. Not even lying.
I leave the site in capable hands -- John and Jim are both probably much smarter than me, with better grasps of grammar and spelling and "reporting."
And also, srsly, I'm not actually quitting. Like not at all. I'll still be posting the same bullshit on the same internet, often about the exact same topics (Rudy '08!). So this whole "goodbye" thing is totally self-indulgent and pointless! See you on Monday, losers! Really wishing I'd taken some time off between jobs now!