ICYMI: Rudy's F*cked
Wonkers, we almost forgot to pop champagne and get drunk with you during the daytime hours! This weekend, which already seems like many moons ago, the New York Timesconfirmed what the news had been hinting at ever since the Southern District of New York (SDNY) did LOCK HER UPS to Rudy Giuliani's best Chucklefuck pals, Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman: that yes, Margaret, there is a God, and Rudy Giuliani is definitely under investigation by the SDNY, which he used to be the boss of.
Federal prosecutors in Manhattan are investigating whether President Trump's personal lawyer Rudolph W. Giuliani broke lobbying laws in his dealings in Ukraine, according to two people familiar with the inquiry.
The investigators are examining Mr. Giuliani's efforts to undermine the American ambassador to Ukraine, Marie L. Yovanovitch, one of the people said. She was recalled in the spring as part of Mr. Trump's broader campaign to pressure Ukraine into helping his political prospects.
Don't cross your fingers, because Donald Trump's cheap date version of Roy Cohn is still running the Justice Department and could intervene with SDNY to kill the investigation -- how many bucks do you bet Donald Trump has already illegally tried to interfere, since the news came out? We bet 11 bucks, because that's how many is in our wallet right now -- but we just want you to at least bask in the joy that comes from knowing Rudy Giuliani could be indicted.
LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP! LOCK HER UP!
The Times notes that this case is directly related to that of the Chucklefucks, as part of why those guys were indicted was because of their illegal efforts to get Yovanovitch removed. And whose project was that?
By the way, you should know that the campaign against Yovanovitch has been renewed since her testimony last week in Congress. Tom Fitton, who runs Judicial Watch, AKA Donald Trump's favorite source of hilarious conspiracy theory bath salts batshit, has breathlessly announced that his organization has come into "information" and is "investigating" whether Yovanovitch did WIRE TAPPS to Trump and all his best crime pals and idiot children. On the list are such luminaries as Giuliani, Sebastian Gorka, Dipshit Junior, Dan Bongino, Lou Dobbs, John Solomon, and a host of others you wouldn't leave your children alone with even for five minutes. (Also weirdly on the list is Michael McFaul, Obama's former ambassador to Russia. He hasn't mentioned this stunning and definitely true revelation, but that's probably because he's worried Marie Yovanovitch is eavesdropping on his underpants.)
Anyway, definitely be on the lookout for Trump to retweet Fitton's breathless announcement and angrily denounce the WIRE TAPPS Marie Yovanovitch put inside his bottom. Giuliani already has:
Yep yep yep!
As to the SDNY investigation, Rudy Giuliani says he is innocent, because of course he does, and because he wants to make clear that he wasn't doing illegal foreign lobbying at the behest of the Ukrainians, but rather was doing illegal lobbying TO the Ukrainians at the behest of Donald Trump, to get them to meddle in the 2020 election and help Trump get re-elected.
Which is also a crime, but it's a different crime, therefore something something glove doesn't fit you must acquit.
"Look, you can try to contort anything into anything, but if they have any degree of objectivity or fairness, it would be kind of ridiculous to say I was doing it on [former Ukraine prosecutor general Yuriy] Lutsenko's behalf when I was representing the president of the United States," Mr. Giuliani said. Mr. Lutsenko had chafed at Ms. Yovanovitch's anticorruption efforts and wanted her recalled from Kiev.
Look, it's just a handy dandy coincidence that firing Yovanovitch without cause had the effect of making the corrupt prosecutor in Ukraine and the corrupt president of the United States and his corrupt lawyer very happy. What are you going to do, put Rudy in jail for being HAPPY?
Also, Steve Benen notes at the Maddow Blog that Rudy G. toldForeign Policy that everything with his campaign against Yovanovitch was above-board, because it wasn't a "secret campaign against her. It was an open campaign against her."
As always, Wonkette encourages Rudy Giuliani to keep talking a lot, because that always works out well for everyone.
Remember, Rudy Giuliani IS still Donald Trump's personal lawyer, as the president confirmed this weekend after having lunch with Giuliani and whining a lot on Twitter about how the Deep State US attorney he appointed -- and with whom he may not be too pleased at the moment -- is doing witch hunts to Giuliani.
So now they are after the legendary “crime buster” and greatest Mayor in the history of NYC, Rudy Giuliani. He may… https://t.co/jZjNe5VcvN— Donald J. Trump (@Donald J. Trump) 1570893099.0
If you pray, make sure to remember Rudy Giuliani in your prayers. What you actually say to God about him is your business, of course.
Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!
Wonkette relies on YOU to keep us going. We have no ads, we have no capitalist investors, we're just us and you. KEEP US GOING! Click the thing! Pick an amount! Hit 'Paypal' or the other one! We love you! Go!
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.