If Kellyanne Conway’s Tell-All Book Is Called ‘Alternative Facts,’ We’re Gonna Break Something

White House

Kellyanne Conway, the one-time counselor to Donald Trump, left the White House a few months before the iceberg hit. However, she's still on good terms with the deranged dirtbag for whom she lied professionally. Trump announced Tuesday that he was appointing Conway to the board of visitors of the US Air Force Academy.

From Air Force Times, which we guess she needs to start reading now.

According to its charter, the board provides independent advice and recommendations on the morale, discipline and social climate, the curriculum, instruction, physical equipment, fiscal affairs and academic methods to the secretary of defense and deputy secretary of defense, through the secretary of the Air Force, and to the Armed Services committees.

It's unclear how Conway is suited or at all qualified for this. Maybe the board needed more shameless liars. The sitting president can choose six members of the 15 member Air Force Academy board, and the board's charter only requires that at two least members are actual Academy graduates. The chairs of the House and Senate Armed Services committees also serve on the board. Not to be too judgy, but Conway claimed she resigned from the Trump Olive Oil outfit because she wanted to spend more time with her "beloved children." Now, she's joining some boring-ass board? No offense intended to our brave airmen and women, but this doesn't sound like a party.

Other Trump cronies received sweeter deals: Transportation Secretary Elaine Chao and Lynn Friess were nominated to the board of trustees of the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, which some Republicans claimed wasn't worth our COVID-19 relief money. Chao is married to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, because that's what happens when you summon Satan on a dare. Friess's husband is major GOP donor Foster Friess, an Islamophobe and overall jerk.

Trump plans to name Matt Schlapp, one of his phony “voter fraud" champions, to the Library of Congress Trust Fund Board.

When not kicking up her heels on the Air Force Academy board, Conway will focus on writing her upcoming memoir. She's signed a multi-million-dollar deal for "the most unvarnished, eye-popping account of her time working" in the administration that separated children from their families.

Conway, who never met a Hatch Act she wouldn't violate, is expected to pull down the biggest advance yet from a Trump tell-all. According to the Daily Mail, publishers have "literally barraged [Conway] with piles of money." Don't we have Son of Sam laws to prevent this? She'll “earn" significantly more than the $2 million John Bolton received for his book or whatever they paid Sarah Huckabee Sanders for that wobbly table fixer that the RNC bought in bulk.

Although Conway has dared to suggest that Joe Biden won the presidential race, she'll probably to try to remain in Trump's relative good graces and won't depict him as the emotionally ill wannabe tyrant he truly is. She's more likely to spill the tea on her former colleagues, which reportedly has some White House insiders “quaking in [their] boots." It's not clear if she'll pimp out her family troubles for a quick buck ... wait, let me rephrase, it's not clear yet how much of her family life she'll pimp out for a quick buck. The domestic drama between herself and her Trump-loathing husband, George Conway, and her daughter, Claudia, is a guaranteed page turner. However, I personally guarantee I won't come near this book even with all the ten-foot poles in the world.

Conway, who helped normalize the Trump administration's disregard for the truth, published a book back in 2005. It was called What Women Really Want: How American Women Are Quietly Erasing Political, Racial, Class, and Religious Lines to Change the Way We Live. If you read the whole title, you've already finished half the book.

The true bank will come from the rights to a movie deal, which could bring in tens of millions. I confess that if they cast Gillian Anderson as Kellyanne and Mario Lopez as George, I'm tempted to check out the film when it's on Showtime or HBO Max, but I won't like myself afterward. My most fervent wish was that Kellyanne Conway would spend the rest of her post-Trump life in disgrace, but instead she'll light cigars with $100 bills and laugh at us all.

It just seems wrong somehow. Sorry, Gillian, I don't think I will see that movie even if you knock it out of the park.

[Politco / Daily Mail]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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