If Ted Cruz Hates Dildos So Much, Then What's This In His Butt?

We got this screengrab on the FIRST TRY. God is good.

You guys, Ted Cruz loves dildos. LOVES THEM. Like, if he only got to take one thing to a desert island, it would be Heidi CruzCampbell's soup, but if he got to take TWO things to a desert island, the second would be Heidi Cruz dildos. CNN's Dana Bash yanked this information out of the senator's mouth in an interview about his porn tweet, which he's still blaming on a "fella" in his office, to which we reply, GIMME A BREAK, PORN HOLE!

New York Times reporter Sopan Deb did us all a mitzvah and transcribed the full exchange, where Bash reminded Cruz of that time when he was Texas solicitor general and he VOCIFEROUSLY DEFENDED a Texas law banning the sale of mesquite BBQ Texas dildos. It wasn't that he was opposed to Texans procuring Oklahoma dildos and transporting them across state lines for dildo diddles in Dallas. That was OK. We don't know how he felt about dildos coming across the Mexican border to do jobs Texans weren't willing to do.

Cruz told Bash he only was beating off on, we mean beating up on dildos because it was HIS JOB AS SOLICITOR GENERAL, to defend the law! He didn't personally hate the dildos, no not at all:

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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