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Happy Sunday, you scrappy weasels. We hope you had a nice week, enjoying all the gross news yr Wonkette had to report, because all the news was just terrible and gross and bad. We thought we had our fill of kid-touching stories with Josh Duggar, but then Denny Hastert came in and was like ME TOO, I TOUCHED KIDS TOO. ALLEGEDLY. So it's time to take a look see at the top ten stories of the week, as chosen by you, the wise Wonkers.


But before we do that, it's time for us to say "please to be giving us the moneys," because we work very hard to keep you informed and laughing, and it takes money to do that, because this is what we do for a JOB. So what do you say you give us $5, in honor of maybe next week the stories won't all be about kid-touchers? It's easy to do! Just click this link and say "here are five of my dollars, Wonkette should have them, because Wonkette tells me all the stories I need to know and I love them very much." Or you can give us money for a different reason, of your choosing, that's allowed.

We'll wait while you take care of that.

All right, here are your top ten posts of the week:

1. Is there a connection between the Duggars and Hobby Lobby? OF COURSE THERE IS, and it's not just about Michelle taking the girls to buy pipe cleaners and glitter, for crafts.

2. Sister-molester Josh Duggar sued the Arkansas DHS, probably because they called him a sister-molester.

3. When Jim Bob Duggar was running for the Senate, he was pretty sure that rapists and incesters should be put to death. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's different when the incester is your kid, whatever.

4. Suddenly Texas lawmakers weren't so scared of FEMA, once they needed disaster relief.

5. Yep, ex-Speaker Denny Hastert was paying hush money to cover up some kid-diddling of his own. ALLEGEDLY.

6. It's a good thing Jim Bob Duggar's pedophile cop pal didn't investigate Josh Duggar too hard, otherwise Josh could have been prosecuted!

7. We would like a Pulitzer for coining the term "pussy sniffles." How do you get them? By having sex in a non-Duggar-approved way, of course!

8. The very same pedophile cop pal, from #6, says Jim Bob Duggar is a big liar, and that he didn't disclose ALL of Josh Duggar's sex criming. He would remember too!

9. In case you have been living inside a large rock since last week, here is the original police report on Josh Duggar. Yes, this story is so big that a story from LAST WEEK made the top ten!

10. Rightwing troll "journalist" Chuck C. Johnson got banned from Twitter, again. Please, baby Jesus, let this be the last time.

Those were some gross stories! But we're glad you LOLed at stupid Chuck C. Johnson enough to break that story into the top ten.

Remember, we are also at your service on the Facebooks, the Twitters, and the Tumblrs! Wonkette is all the places, and all the places are Wonkette!

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OH, and did you know you can put Bernie Sanders on your sexy tits or man chests? YES YOU CAN. Buy the tee-shirt in the Wonkette online swag emporium, where you will also find Elizabeth Warren t-shirts and coffee cups and stuff and all the other things! Editrix Rebecca would like to reassure everyone that, even though she has taken her maternity leave, she is still ready and willing to send you all of the things you decide to buy.

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Again, your Wonkette loves you very much! If you missed your opportunity above, don’t even worry about doing hard stuff like scrolling up. You can just click THIS link and give us $5. Or you can give us more. We are not opposed to that!

Okay, now go have a nice Sunday, and if you run into Josh Duggar, see if he'll take you to the Hobby Lobby, for craft time.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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