If These Retired Military Idiots Were Your Grandpa, You'd Take 'Em To A Neurologist

Remember that January 3 letter Liz Cheney orchestrated, where all living former secretaries of Defense said in no uncertain terms that the military shouldn't allow itself to be used to make coups upon the American people in service of dumpster fire authoritarians desperately trying to steal elections after the fact? Remember all the retired military bigwigs, including former Trump Defense Secretary Jim Mattis and other former Trump officials, who condemned Trump's little fascist Bible-gassing photo-op stunt in front of St. John's church in Washington last year?

Well, there's another group of retired generals and other military brass out there who seem to have seen all those condemnations from actual respected retired military and taken them as a challenge, to which they are responding, "OH YEAH, BURP FART? Well we can find a bunch of retired generals and admirals who are way less smart than those other officials, who have let their brains atrophy entirely into egg salad, who can also too write letters! We can find some retired brass dumpstupid enough to sign open letters supporting Donald Trump's Big Lies and attacks on the United States! YOU THINK WE CANNOT FIND GUYS THAT SMALL OF DICK AND DUMB OF BRAIN? Hold our beers!"

Politico reports on just the best letter ever, released by "Flag Officers 4 America," which definitely sounds like a legit group of very cool military guys whose breath smells really good and who have clean underpants on right now. It was put together by some retired guy named Maj. Gen. Joe Arbuckle, and is signed by 124 of America's retired best and brightest, obviously:

Among some of the more notable signatories are retired Army Brig. Gen. Don Boldoc, who is expected to run for U.S. Senate in New Hampshire; retired Army Lt. Gen. William Boykin, a former deputy undersecretary of defense for intelligence, who stirred controversy for some of his anti-Muslim views; and retired Vice Adm. John Poindexter, who was the deputy national security adviser for President Ronald Reagan convicted in the Iran-Contra Affair.

That Boykin dicksnot actually said back in 2013 that military people he talked to wished the military would "'fulfill their constitutional duty and take out" President Barack Obama. So that's fucking insane.

Point is, definitely not a #BeBest cohort we're dealing with here.

Do you want to read their letter? Click over to read the whole thing, but here are the parts we want to make fun of.

Our Nation is in deep peril. We are in a fight for our survival as a Constitutional Republic like no other time since our founding in 1776. The conflict is between supporters of Socialism and Marxism vs. supporters of Constitutional freedom and liberty.


During the 2020 election an "Open Letter from Senior Military Leaders" was signed by 317 retired Generals and Admirals and, it said the 2020 election could be the most important election since our country was founded. "With the Democrat Party welcoming Socialists and Marxists, our historic way of life is at stake." Unfortunately, that statement's truth was quickly revealed, beginning with the election process itself.

Guessing we are talking about a clownfuck letter much like the one we are reading right now.

Without fair and honest elections that accurately reflect the "will of the people" our Constitutional Republic is lost. Election integrity demands insuring there is one legal vote cast and counted per citizen. Legal votes are identified by State Legislature's approved controls using government IDs, verified signatures, etc. Today, many are calling such commonsense controls "racist" in an attempt to avoid having fair and honest elections. Using racial terms to suppress proof of eligibility is itself a tyrannical intimidation tactic. Additionally, the "Rule of Law" must be enforced in our election processes to ensure integrity. The FBI and Supreme Court must act swiftly when election irregularities are surfaced and not ignore them as was done in 2020. Finally, H.R.1 & S.1, (if passed), would destroy election fairness and allow Democrats to forever remain in power violating our Constitution and ending our Representative Republic.

Oh neat, these esteemed retired military folk are signing onto Fascist Donald Trump's Big Lie about "election irregularities," accusing the Trump FBI/DOJ and Trump Supreme Court of "ignoring" those imaginary "irregularities," and they're making overtly political statements about the bill to protect our elections currently sitting in the Senate. Aren't they supposed to be apolitical?

Also, funny that they say out loud that what scares them about S.1 is that it would "allow Democrats to forever remain in power," considering how all S.1 does is make sure elections actually reflect the "will of the people" they mention above. It's like they're telling on themselves, and tacitly admitting that if it were up to the actual American people, the insurgent group known as the GOP would rarely win a national election.

Now they'd like to bitch about Joe Biden a whole bunch:

Aside from the election, the Current Administration has launched a full-blown assault on our Constitutional rights in a dictatorial manner, bypassing the Congress, with more than 50 Executive Orders quickly signed, many reversing the previous Administration's effective policies and regulations.

The Biden executive orders that reversed the Trump executive orders are UNCONSTITUTION!

Moreover, population control actions such as excessive lockdowns, school and business closures, and most alarming, censorship of written and verbal expression are all direct assaults on our fundamental Rights.


The letter continues with a bunch of "policy ideas" these dipshits have, which are really mostly just conspiracy theories believed only by the stupidest among us. Illegal voting by illegals? Check! Wingnut whining about Section 230 because the internet makes fun of conservatives and does cancel culture censorship to them? Check!

Also this:

Using the U.S. military as political pawns with thousands of troops deployed around the U.S. Capitol Building, patrolling fences guarding against a non-existent threat, along with forcing Politically Correct policies like the divisive critical race theory into the military at the expense of the War Fighting Mission, seriously degrades readiness to fight and win our Nation's wars, creating a major national security issue.

Yes, this is retired military people saying the military presence at the Capitol after a deranged madman authoritarian president incited a domestic terrorist attack on it is protecting against a "non-existent threat," and somehow manages to include the words "critical race theory" in the same sentence.

Also, with these retired idiots' clear support for Trump's Big Lie and seeming approval for the coup he tried to undertake to overthrow the results of the 2020 election, we are just curious, isn't there kind of a huge thing in the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) about how support for sedition is to be "punished by death or such other punishment as a court-martial may direct"? Maybe something the Department of Defense should look into.

After some underpants-pissing about "anarchy" in cities (they mean Black people), these obviously non-senile retired brass spread some rightwing bullshit about how Joe Biden is the REAL senile:

The mental and physical condition of the Commander in Chief cannot be ignored. He must be able to quickly make accurate national security decisions involving life and limb anywhere, day or night. Recent Democrat leadership's inquiries about nuclear code procedures sends a dangerous national security signal to nuclear armed adversaries, raising the question about who is in charge. We must always have an unquestionable chain of command.

Person. Man. Woman. Camera. TV.

Wait, what were you saying about the "mental and physical condition of the Commander in Chief cannot be ignored"?

The rest of the letter is just blah blah Socialism blah blah Marxist. It ends with a demand that the "will of the people" be heard.

We have a feeling they only mean white racist men who are going to die out sometime in the next few decades. That's kind of the temper tantrum undergirding every single thing going on in American politics right now.

Scratch what we said in the headline, if these guys were your grandpa, you'd skip the neurologist and just put 'em in a home.

Fuck 'em.

[Politico / very good and legal and cool letter]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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