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Is Donald Trump going to crash the US economy if he doesn't get to build his Fuck You Mexico Wall? Could he really be stupid enough to provoke a government shutdown if he can't extort taxpayers into funding the wall that he swore the Mexicans were totally going to pay for?

MAYBE!!!

Again, the Border Patrol today, I said, how important is the wall to some of the folks? I met with a lot of them. And they looked at me, they said, it's vital. It's vital. It's so vital. And you know, we have walls. I don't know if you know, we're already starting to fix a lot of the walls we already have, because we don't have to rebuild them. And we want walls that you can see through in a sense. You want to see what's on the other side. But we're starting to fix a lot of the walls. We've done a lot of work.

At Tuesday's Nativist Pitchfork Jamboree in Phoenix, Trump riled up the deplorables with his signature blend of rage and incoherence. Did he bash the state's two Republican senators, including the war hero who is getting treated for brain cancer? HE DID. Did he promise to pardon convicted felon Joe "Concentration Camp" Arpaio? HE DID. Did he mention the 10 American sailors missing in a naval accident in the South China Sea? NOPE.

But he did threaten to shut down the government next month if he doesn't get money to build his stupid border wall.

Build that wall! Now the obstructionist Democrats would like us not to do it. But believe me, if we have to close down our government, we're building that wall.

And all over the country, if you listened closely, you could hear the sound of a thousand Republican politicians shouting, "MOTHERFUCKER! THERE IS LITERALLY ONLY ONE RULE TO GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWNS! IT IS ALWAYS THE OTHER GUY'S FAULT!"

Well, good luck with that, Gippers! Your Moron in Chief just took credit for whatever happens next month when you come back to DC to negotiate the debt ceiling increase. Before you even walk in the door, Mr. Art of the Deal has shouted Hey, America! Look at this shit sandwich the Republicans are are about to feed you! Because he is awesome at politics.

Now, normally we'd just chalk it up to Trump's everyday demented ranting and assume the grown ups would beat him into submission. Budget Director Mick Mulvaney and his Tea Party Loon Squad are threatening to drive the economy off the cliff if they can't take away food stamps from poor kids. But the Goldman Sachs Cuck Brigade at the White House has reassured investors that they should go on raping and pillaging and not worry about the debt ceiling fight. The last thing they need is their lunatic boss jumping up and down and threatening to crash the stock market because he made a stupid campaign promise to the rubes.

On any other issue, we'd bet that Globalist Gary and Louise Linton's husband would lock themselves in a room with Trump and torture him with boring memos until he gave up and signed off on a clean debt ceiling bill. The generals would guard the door and hold Mulvaney at bay until the deal was done.

BUT...

Donald Trump really cares about that stupid wall. A LOT.

Remember last month we told you about the Congressional Bigot Caucus going behind General Mattis's back to whisper in the old man's ear that icky transgender troops were standing in the way of his border wall funding? All they wanted was for the government to stop spending its pocket change on gender reassignment surgery. Literally no one was asking him to kick out transgender service members. But Trump immediately hopped on his Twitter machine to announce that miserable transgender ban. All hell broke loose, BUT HE GOT HIS DAMN $1.6 BILLION IN BORDER WALL FUNDS.

So now, Politico reports that Paul Ryan is shitting his pants about a possible confrontation over the debt ceiling because Donald Trump wants more Ameros for the wall.

I don’t think a government shutdown is necessary, and I don’t think most people want to see a government shutdown, ourselves included. And Congress, in the House, has already done its work on this issue. There are very legitimate problems and concerns on the border that need to be addressed. I don’t think anyone’s interested in having a shutdown. I don’t think it’s in our interests to do so while we work on doing what we actually said we would do, what we’ve done already in the House and we need to do, which is to control our border. So I don’t think you have to choose between the two.

Take deep breaths, Paulie! Just sit down and put your head between your knees for a minute. And while you're down there, you can kiss your P90X-toned ass goodbye! Because there is nothing and no one Donald Trump cares about more than that stupid fucking wall. And unless Mitch McConnell is willing to ditch the filibuster rule, Democrats are going to block funding for it.

Here's Congressman Steve King (R-I Hear Banjos) explaining that it will be Democrats' fault if Donald Trump loses his shit and causes the government to shut down.

Raising the debt ceiling authorizes the government to pay for funds already spent and has zero to do with the border wall. But it's Chuck Schumer's fault if Trump holds a gun to the American economy and says, "Gimme wall money, or the stock market get it"? Steve King is a better liar than Paul Ryan, but even he knows that the party holding the House, Senate, and White House is going to get the blame if the federal government goes dark on their watch. And for a wall that only 36% of Americans support? Nice try, asshole!

So, we don't have a clue what's going to happen when Congress comes back after Labor Day and tries to debate the debt ceiling. We guess they'll pass a continuing resolution and try to kick the can down the road for thirty days. But who knows? Between the government running out of money by September 30 with no debt ceiling vote, and Donald Trump doubling down on the border wall, this shit could get ugly fast.

Buckle up, Wonkers! We're in for some turbulence!

[Trump Transcript via Time / Wonkette / Politico / Daily Beast / WaPo]

All the splainers! None of the ads! Help us out, Wonkers!

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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I wasn't ready for Koko the gorilla to die. She was just 46, so still young well past the upper age limit for a gorilla, but I'll miss her. She loved cats, told mildly amusing jokes, and put up with people, so she was a lot like your weird aunt.

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Donald Trump held one of his televised cabinet meetings today in which he railed about the terrible Democrats who forced the current border crisis (at a time when illegal border crossings are actually lower than usual). In what's sure to be his favorite phrase on Twitter for the next few days, Trump blamed "extremist open-border Democrats" for all the problems he brought on himself with his family separation policy, and explained that Democrats were simultaneously hurting illegal immigrants AND the rest of America by forcing Normal America to accept Central Americans who fled to the US. It made loads of sense! And then things got ... less so.

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