If Trump Stops Being Total F*ckup RIGHT NOW, Coronavirus Might Only Be Between 33 and 81 9/11s!

Did you watch Donald Trump's daily corona-presser on Tuesday? If the answer is "yes," we don't know why you did that, since there was a "Love It Or List It" marathon and (SPOILER) some of them loved it and some of them listed it, which doesn't matter because all that is staged and some of the couples' alleged decisions are LIES.

We did not watch it (see: "Love It Or List It" marathon) but we hear Trump was a total Serious McPresidential for once, as his coronavirus team gravely shared that if America gets its shit together, then our new goal is for only 100,000 to 240,000 Americans to die of COVID-19.

And the choir sang, "U-S-A! U-S-A!" before moving into a stirring rendition of "When they say 'We want our America back,' well what the fuck do they mean?"

Imagine if Donald Trump hadn't completely bunglefucked every aspect of the initial response to the novel coronavirus. Imagine if they hadn't fucked up testing. Imagine if he still wasn'tfucking up getting states the ventilators and PPE that they need.

Imagine if Donald Trump wasn't president of the United States.

Mitch McConnell is trying to pass the blame onto Democrats, who were apparently distracting poor incompetent President Dipshit with the laser pointer of impeachment. (You know, as if Richard Nixon was unable to accomplish anything during Watergate, oh wait.) What's his excuse now that he's impeached forever? Something else distracting the poor dear? (Yes. If it wasn't impeachment, it would be [list several million items long].)

The numbers are based partially on projections from Chris Murray at the University of Washington, and they assume that if we do all our proper social distancing and stay-at-homing, our numbers could land there — the current precise projection on his map is 93,765 deaths by August 4, with an upper range extending up to 177,381 — you know, instead of far higher. And the numbers also assume that we could end up with these numbers, but only as long as we keep current social distancing practices, and also that "social distance measures are introduced within seven days from today" in backwards states that haven't done much yet. You know, like in Florida, which is by itself looking like it might become a disaster area greater than any hurricane it's ever experienced.

As Rachel Maddow noted last night, six states (Nevada, North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Arkansas and Iowa) still have no statewide stay-at-home order, while another 11, including Florida and Georgia, where thingsare gettingscary, have partial orders. And many of those states seem to be following Donald Trump's lead, so if he hasn't called for a nationwide stay-at-home order, then they sure aren't either!

100,000-240,000 deaths.

And that is if Trump gets this just right from now on and doesn't maniacally fuck it up a whole bunch more. (SPOILER: President Fuckup's gonna fuck it up more, and so are red state governors like Ron DeSantis and Tate Reeves and Mike Parson and Kay Ivey and ...)

In other words, if he's just perfect from this point forward (nope), then the coronavirus death toll will only be equivalent to between 33 and 81 9/11s.

Or we could end up losing the equivalent of the population of Norfolk, Virginia, but on the low end maybe it'll just be the equivalent of losing Tuscaloosa, Alabama, entirely.

Four times as many Americans as we lost during the Vietnam War, but maybe it will only be twice as many!

That's what Trump's Chernobyl might look like. (We'd compare it to the actual Chernobyl disaster but nobody really knows how many people died as a result of that disaster.)

Of course, if Trump keeps fucking up, it could be way more than that. Like, so many 9/11s, you're gonna get sick of 9/11s.

But hey, maybe it won't be that bad. Dr. Deborah Birx and Dr. Anthony Fauci were very comforting on that note in yesterday's presser:

[W]hen Birx was pressed about whether this dark future is inevitable, or can still be avoided, she equivocated. "We really believe and hope every day that we can do a lot better than that," she said. [...]

Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, also says he's hoping for fewer deaths – but people should prepare for what the models now predict. "Is it going to be that much? I hope not. But being realistic, we need to prepare ourselves, that that is a possibility," he said.

That's comforting.

But please, beltway journalists, tell us some more about how Donald Trump was newly somber and presidential yesterday. We really want to hear your hot takes!


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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