Writing inForbes magazine, hardscrabble investigative reporter Dinesh D'Souza has presented America with some startling facts: Barack Obama is ruining America in order to realize the socialist, anti-colonialist dreams of his drunk-driving, wife-beating polygamist African dad, Barack Hussein Obama, Sr. Having read D'Souza's article on the Internet while taking a break from browsing Match.com for "new young women without cancer," historian/journalist Newt Gingrich deemed D'Souza's nonsense the “most profound insight I have read in the last six years about Barack Obama.” Gingrich asks a Serious Follow-up Question: is Obama "so outside our comprehension, that only if you understand Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior, can you begin to piece together [his actions]?”

The correct answer, based on D'Souza's enlightening discoveries, is YES. But what does this mean for you, if you happen to comprehend Obama's positions on things? According to Gingrich Logic, you are also likely to be an Kenyan anti-colonialist, fulfilling the wishes of the Luo tribesman Obama Senior.

It can be frightening to realize that by voting for Obama two years ago and/or supporting policies such as ObamaCare/lifting the Bush tax cuts/building the not-Ground Zero not-mosque, you have aligned yourself with people, dead and alive, who are so "fundamentally out of touch with how the world works" that you have become "factually insane." Perhaps you are even angry, to learn this. But don't be too hard on yourself: Like many, you just fell for Obama Junior-Senior's "wonderful con," which enabled the still-alive Obama to become president:

“I think he worked very hard at being a person who is normal, reasonable, moderate, bipartisan, transparent, accommodating -- none of which was true,” Gingrich continues. “In the [Saul] Alinksy tradition, he was being the person he needed to be in order to achieve the position he needed to achieve .... He was authentically dishonest.”

Luckily, learning that you've become a Kenyan anti-colonialist is no longer a death sentence thanks to new treatments discovered by Gingrich, who is also a licensed physician in the field of ideology. To restore your sanity and Real-American personhood, all you have to do is vote for him in 2012. So easy! [Forbes/National Review OnlineDave Weigel's Field Recordings]