Mitch McConnell is an evil man. We've extensively documented this, but people still express surprise whenever he out-evils himself. That's ageist. Just because McConnell is 78 and his hands are rotting off doesn't mean he can't still bring the evil. He didn't peak with Merrick Garland.

Monday, McConnell said that Donald Trump was “100 percent within his rights" to contest the results of an election he clearly lost. After all, no “states have yet certified their election results," and that's technically true. What's also true is that McConnell's current term expires on January 3, 2021. By his own standard, until Kentucky certifies its election results, he's just a lame duck. Democrats, if they were awake, should've at least argued against his reelection today as majority leader.


Yes, McConnell crushed Amy McGrath by 20 points, but those votes could've come from Mars, where election fraud runs rampant. McGrath raised enough for a couple new Avengers movies, so there should be some left over for a frivolous nuisance lawsuit. It is a little suspicious that despite filling a Scrooge McDuck money bin with cash, McGrath only managed 40 percent of Democratic voter turnout in the state, compared to 80 percent of GOP voter turnout. I find these facts unpleasant so I declare FRAUD!

Republicans defended 23 seats in this election cycle, compared to 12 for Democrats. If the presidential race is in limbo because someone cried “fraud" in a crowded White House bunker, then that should logically apply to every down-ballot race. Congratulations, Majority Leader Amy Klobuchar!

But evil don't do logic! McConnell assured the media Tuesday that there obviously was no fraud in his race because it wasn't “close." That's probably because he paid extra for the premium fraud that includes HBO and Showtime.

But none of the key states where Biden beat Trump like a drum were all that close either. As President Bartlet said, “You only need one" vote to win an election. “The rest is for ego." Biden has comfortable ego margins in Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania. Georgia and Arizona are closer, but if the margins hold, it's unlikely a recount will change the outcome. That's not how recounts work. We're talking a difference of hundreds of votes, not thousands.

Republicans have jumped on the Trump Train and made baseless accusations of voter fraud. It's all tinfoil hat conspiracy shit. Elizabeth Harrington, GOP spokesperson, claimed that Wisconsin was rigged because ... voter turnout increased, which it did for Republicans, Democrats, and the Martians with an inappropriate interest in our electoral politics. She also thinks it's weird that Biden improved upon Hilary Clinton's margins in Democratic-controlled areas, where, you know, Democrats tend to live. She's arguing that a dramatic improvement from 2016 is inherently fraudulent. That's because Republicans don't believe in democracy and if you're friends with any, you're a chump.


Twitter

Sweet Christ.

Republicans can't claim the pie is poisoned and then boast about how great the crust tastes. Either the entire election is tainted or it's not. It wouldn't make sense to only rig the election for Biden. Nothing Harrington posted makes sense, but that's the point of a calculated disinformation campaign.

CNN's Jake Tapper remarked Tuesday that elected Republicans have assured him that our democracy isn't really at risk and there's no serious potential for a coup. Whew! Those scamps are just humoring the mad king as he processes his defeat. That alone means we've lost something valuable. We elect politicians to serve America's interests. They aren't just the sycophantic courtiers to a sociopath.

Tapper correctly noted that Republicans are “continuing to put their loyalty to President Trump ahead of their loyalty to the United States of America and the American people who deserve the truth." But what is truth? The only truth McConnell's GOP recognizes is power, and Republicans treating Biden as illegitimate helps them maintain power. This cancer on democracy doesn't enter remission when Trump finally leaves office. It's only growing. We need to cut it out.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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