Impeachy The Clown Mad About Senate Russian Sanctions Bill, WHAT? NO! REALLY?

Donald Trump was impeached for bribing and pressuring Ukraine (our ally) to announce fake investigations into his political rival Joe Biden in exchange for desperately needed military aid and a White House visit, both of which are crucial for Ukraine's position in trying to end its war with Russia (our adversary), in order to help him steal the 2020 election. We've discussed many times how the Ukraine story is really the Russia story -- as Nancy Pelosi famously said, "All roads lead to Putin."

In Trump's shit-yapper third-grader-on-bath-salts letter to Pelosi this week, he got very mad about Pelosi saying that, because, he claims, he has been VERY TOUGH on Russia. (It's like a game he and Putin play, we guess. Putin, the dom, occasionally allows Trump, the submissive, to play-act being VERY TOUGH.)

That bullshit aside, it should come as no shock at all that, as Trump was being impeached for a Ukraine story that is actually a Russia story, Betsy Swan reported at the Daily Beast that the Trump administration is VERY GRRR MAD about a package of sanctions against Russia that the Senate Foreign Relations Committee passed Wednesday morning.

WHAT? But they've never been irrationally angry about Russian sanctions before!

Swan reports that the Trump administration sent a VERY GRRR MAD letter to the committee this week, and it says YOU BETTER STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!

It argues the legislation is unnecessary and that it would harm America's European allies–potentially fracturing transatlantic support for current U.S. sanctions on Russia. The bill "risks crippling the global energy, commodities, financial, and other markets," the letter says, and would target "almost the entire range of foreign commercial activities with Russia."

Oh golly, that would be a shame! To fuck the energy industry and also fuck "the entire range" of Russian international business relations? Sounds like Christmas to us! Swan also notes that, according to the Trump administration's letter, it could hurt American banks who just love doing business in Russia, which obviously be an unforgivable crime, obviously.

It's actually Lindsey Graham's bill, S. 482, AKA the Defending American Security From Kremlin Aggression Act (DASKA!). Graham, who has been sponsoring some version of this bill with Democratic Senator Bob Menendez for quite a while now, called it the "sanctions bill from hell" back when he introduced it in 2018. And he meant that in a good way!

The sanctions would punish Russia for election-meddling/stealing and myriad other crimes, and would "impose sanctions on Russian individuals, cyber operations and liquid natural gas export facilities," as Yahoo! Finance writes. On top of sanctions, the bill also seeks to strengthen NATO and solidly take Ukraine's side in its war against Russia, specifically punishing Russia for its actions in Ukraine.

What we're saying is that there are quite a few reasons the Trump administration might hate this bill! None of them are "American" reasons.

Wanna see another little thing about the bill that might upset Donald Trump, just maybe?

It would also aim to bring more transparency to purchases of high-end real estate, which many foreign nationals use to launder money into the U.S. And it would require that the State Department and the Intelligence Community report to Congress every 90 days on whether or not the Kremlin is meddling in U.S. elections.

Gettin' tuff on Russian money-laundering through high-end real estate? Strengthening reporting on Russia ratfucking our elections? But those are Donald Trump's two primary methods of accomplishing things, allegedly, no fair, DOUBLEPLUS UNTRUMP!


As for others opposed to "the sanctions bill from hell," they include the Chamber of Commerce and the American Petroleum Institute (API), OW OW OW! WE JUST BROKE OUR ARM BECAUSE WE WERE MAKING A JERK-OFF MOTION TOO HARD!

The bill was voted out of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee on Wednesday. The vote was 17-5. That means all the Democrats and also a good number of Republicans voted for it. Graham (obviously) voted for it. Cory Gardner (also obviously, because he is a co-sponsor) voted for it. So did Marco Rubio, Mitt Romney, and Ted fuckin' Cruz.

The five who voted against were Jim Risch, Johnny Isakson, John Barrasso, fucking Rand Paul, and stupidest senator who ever lived Ron Johnson, who is up to his ass in Trump's Ukraine scandal.

So now the bill is out of committee. Will Moscow Mitch bring it to the floor? Oh golly aw shucks who knows. We haven't read the whole thing yet (it's loooooooong) but we'd hate for there to be some law to make it harder for Paul Manafort's former (current?) Russian oligarch boss Oleg Deripaska to build aluminum plants in Kentucky.

Ya know?


In summary and in conclusion, some senators -- even Lindsey Graham! -- are trying to do good and American things to hold Russia accountable, and Donald Trump and the biggest garbage fires in the Senate are GRRR MAD.

What a big surprise this is, what a big fuckin' surprise.

[Daily Beast / S. 482]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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