Hey look, it's "POLITICAL COLUMN" from The Politico. According to Roger Simon, he knows Hugh Hefner! Whoa, that is like someone famous! It is very important to politics that Roger Simon be paid money to let us know that Hugh Hefner likes spending money on things. Just like you, follower of politics! You spend money on things!

“That’s the reason that I got the Big Bunny, the black DC-9, the coolest private jet ever,” Hefner once told a reporter. “Like a flying apartment.”

Like a flying apartment. So he would never have to leave home.

Whoa! Insight! Somebody call up the news networks! This Politico employee has an insight!

When I went to Los Angeles to do political stories, I would try to stop by the mansion and talk to Hefner. When I dropped by in 1988, he was watching an episode of “Murder, She Wrote” on his VCR, but he stopped the tape long enough for an interview.

How very news of him. And then politics happened. And some more news. Was there also a sandwich sitting on the table? What kind of sandwich? Did the sandwich also like Murder, She Wrote? The political media is dying to know. And the government too! Let us all put a pause on the exercise of American power so we can all find out about this sandwich.

But not to Hef. Not to the boy who falls “head over heels.” He has found his girl next door once again, and, like the boys of times gone by, he intends to do the right thing by her.

Laugh if you will. But I say: Best wishes, you two crazy kids!

Hey hey! This old guy knows this other, more prominent old guy, and they both think like old guys! Jesus fucking Christ, shut up, old people. [Politico]