Time for your latest update on Mike Lindell's latest MyCompany that will totally END all the other YourCompanies!

Lindell says he's starting a new store called MyStore, which will beat the shit out of YourStore, or as the rest of us know it, Amazon. He explained this on the Steve Bannon podcast web show or whatever the fuck it is, because that's one of the places Mike Lindell is still allowed to go.

Lindell presented his business plan to Bannon:

LINDELL: 'CAUSE I'M LOOKING AT ANOTHER THING WE'RE GONNA BE LAUNCHING, WHICH IS MYSTORE, WHICH IS A RIVAL TO AMAZON!

It sounds like what Lindell means is that he's going to GREATLY EXPAND the "MyStore" section of the "MyPillow" website, and judging by the products it sells right now, we bet it will literally dethrone Jeff Bezos.


Do you have BleedStop, the revolutionary product that "stops bleeding in seconds"? It is available on MyStore!

Do you have "Amazing 4-Pack" from "BEACH BARK Brittle Company"? It is an amazing 4-pack, of brittle! Available for low prices on MyStore!

Do you have Body Detailer bar of soap, to detail your body? Get it on MyStore!

Do you have Uncommon USA Flag Pole? It's very commonly available at MyStore!

Hell, if you buy all four, you will be REALLY prepared if, say, you are playing with Uncommon USA Flag Pole and everything goes comically poorly and you wound yourself, in which case maybe you can use BleedStop to stop the gushing, then wash the wound with Body Detailer bar of soap!

Afterward, you'll need a snack maybe, in which case it's BRITTLE TIME, MOTHERFUCKERS!

MyStore also features a bunch of fucking ugly patriotic area rugs and some books that look really shitty. And other things! Basically everything you'd normally buy on Amazon.

This sounds like a super success already.

In other Mike Lindell MyCompany news, there's an update on Lindell's new very good and legit social media platform VOCL MySpace MyFacebook MyPlace MyFrank Frank -- you know, the one where if you're an influencer, you AUTOMATICALLY have billions of followers, because everybody is required to follow all the influencers! Also the place where they're going to print out the YouTubes or something.

Anyway it is going to be a NO CUSSING zone, and also a NO LORD'S NAME IN VAINING zone. Because nothing says "free speech" like being banned from swearing in the Lord's name!

Lindell explained this on the Eric Metaxas radio show, because that's another of the places he's still allowed to go.

That's right, the "free speech" platform called "Frank" is a no-cussing platform because the "free speech" platform called "Frank" is a "Judeo-Christian platform," where all the "Judeo-Christians" will get together to say no-cussing-free-speeches.

"People asked me, 'You're going to let everything go? Porn? Swearing? Everything?' And I said, 'Absolutely not,'" Lindell said. "We have a thing we found in the Constitution and our founding fathers that defines what free speech is. And Eric, get this, this Judeo-Christian platform we're going to have here, they go by biblical principles—you know, you get to the Supreme Court, you have the 10 Commandments there—so, in other words, you're not going to have porn up there, you're not going to have these sites that contain material that go against our Constitution, go against what our founding fathers put in there."

"You're not going to be able to swear," Lindell added. "There will be four words for sure you can't say: You can't say the C-word, the N-word, the F-word, and you can't use God's name in vain. What a concept. Right?"

"Wow," Metaxas responded. "That's really puritanical. I like it."

That's right, no porns, no cusses, no saying "God" in a naughty way. Eric Metaxas likes it!

As of three weeks ago, Lindell's "Frank" was going to be ready to singlehandedly destroy all the other social media companies in 10 to 14 days, so he's only a few days behind his latest self-imposed deadline for singlehandedly destroying all the other social media companies. (He set that general timeframe on March 10, as well.) Lindell explained a few weeks ago that when you use Frank, then you won't be "worrying about what Mr. Alphabet and Mr. Google say about us, or Suckabuck or Dorky and all these people that try and control us here and that are all going to prison. They're all going to prison, I'm tellin' ya, by the time this is done." So those were all words.

Anyway, we think his launch date is April 19. We think. His "launch date." For the thing that's totally going to happen. Where there will be no cussing or saying the G.D. word.

There are no updates about any of the lawsuits naming Lindell or MyPillow in this blog post, because we don't have the bandwidth right now. Also no updates on whether the private eyes he's supposedly hired have solved the unknowable mystery of why he's not allowed on Fox News anymore. Or whether those lawsuits might have some overlap with why he's not allowed on Fox News anymore.

It is all a mystery!

[Right Wing Watch]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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