'Imprisoned' Australians Not Quite Ready To Greet Candace Owens, Ted Cruz As Liberators

Kath from 'Kath and Kim' saying 'Mind the ramekins doll. I need those for jail.'

'Kath and Kim' screengrab

This week, on her Daily Wire internet show, Candace Owens went on a very passionate and confusing rant about how Australians are so terribly oppressed by their COVID regulations that the US may just have to invade their country and liberate them from this incredible tyranny.

While it was clear that Owens was deeply upset and disturbed by the lockdowns (that had actually already lifted), where she was actually going with her rant was not so clear. Or coherent.

She claimed that people couldn't go anywhere, that no dancing was allowed, that people had to scan their phones before going to any of the places they couldn't go to, et cetera, et cetera. She then demanded to know when the US was going to "deploy troops" to Australia in a manner suggesting that A) she did not think deploying troops to Iraq and Afghanistan was a good idea and B) she is under the impression that the Iraq and Afghanistan wars were the Left's idea and she was calling us all out for our hypocrisy, as if we are the ones who go around handling our daddy issues and oil thirst by invading other countries.

When do we deploy troops to Australia? When do we invade Australia and free an oppressed people who are suffering under a totalitarian regime? When do we spend trillions of dollars to spread democracy in Australia?

Australia currently, make no mistake, is a tyrannical police state. Its citizens are quite literally being imprisoned against their will. So when do we deploy?

Unfortunately for Owens, there is not a Republican in office, so she'll have to wait for Operation Enduring Australian Freedom. Don't get it twisted — the Left wants to spend trillions of dollars on improving the lives of everyday Americans, while the Right enjoys spending trillions of dollars sending those everyday Americans to die in pointless wars across the globe. These are reasonably significant ideological differences.

No one was more surprised by her offer than Australians themselves. In a truly wonderful segment on Australian current affairs talk show "The Project," comedian Susie Youssef thanked Owens for her concern but was pretty sure that, given the fact that the United States has had over 730,000 deaths and Australia has had only about 1,600 and was nowhere near as locked down as Owens claims, the assistance would not be necessary or welcome.

Cohost Lisa Wilkinson told Youssef that she had tried to listen to Owens's concerns but was distracted by her puffy sleeves and the fact that she appeared to be speaking directly from the set of "American Idol."

Australians on Twitter were also quick to assure Owens that the tyranny they were living under was just fine by them, with one user tweeting, "I live in Australia. Was at the pub on the weekend. I danced. The rules are not that strict. it is not a dicatatorship[sic]. I went to a football game (superbowl equivelant [sic]) with 40k other fans. We drank. We were merry. We are fine. Stop spreading lies and fear and anger."

Owens is far from the only US conservative who has been concerned about oppressed Australians. Ted Cruz, who noted that he had always felt that Australia was the "Texas of the Pacific" and admired their "rugged independence," shared his frustrations a few days ago, only to be swiftly smacked down by Chief Minister of the Northern Territory Michael Gunner, who informed him that they had actually only been locked down for 8 days in 18 months.

I think I see the problem here. People like Candace Owens kind of get off on the idea of other people "dying for their freedoms." It's not enough to have freedoms or to have a nice life, people have to die for it if it is to be worth anything. Alas. Cruz may admire Australians' "rugged independence," but as macho as they have known to be, with all of their Crocodile Hunters and Dundees, they also have universal health care, significant gun control, guaranteed four weeks of leave every year, subsidized parental leave for both parents, and a comparatively robust social safety net. Not to mention all of the COVID safety protocols. Meanwhile, Americans have none of those things and yet we would still probably all piss our pants if we saw a kangaroo in person.

Which would be fair because non-cartoon kangaroos are scary as hell.


That's gotta be pretty frustrating to think about though, if you are of the mind that the constantly looming threat of death and poverty is a big character builder.

It's pretty clear that the US American Right isn't so much worried about the Australians who supposedly lost their freedoms due to COVID restrictions as they are that we will throw the fact that those restrictions worked so well in their faces. They're going on the offensive because they're looking at those numbers and a part of them, a very small part of them, is going "Oh shit."

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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