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Insanely Low New Unemployment Numbers Mean Barack Obama Did 9/11

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Good news! Thenew Bureau of Labor Statistics unemployment report came out, and more Americans are working, the unemployment rate dropped to 7.8%, and jobs numbers were revised upwards in July and August.


Of course, Barry Obama had a bad debate on Wednesday, so how could the economy mysteriously be recovering two days after Obama lost the entire election, friends? It's a CONSPIRACY. At least, that's what a bunch of Republicans are saying. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you ... BLS Troofers, because of course they are.

Yes. They went in and tinkered a decades-old system to get a possible bump out of a positive jobs report. This is eminently logical. Also, they changed the buttons on Jack Welch's clicker, because he simply cannot get the channel changed from this gonzo teen porn to the Hallmark Channel.

Hahahaha, we kid, Jack Welch is not a pervert, just an insane demagogue.

On Fox News, Stuart Varney agrees.

Makes sense that Obama would keep unemployment above 8% for his entire term, then game the system a month before the election to place unemployment at the insanely low rate of only 7.8% (also known as the magic reelection number, people). Chicago-style politics at its finest.

There is, however, an alternate explanation for all of this, via Washington Examiner "senior writer" (paid intern) Conn Carroll:

Be on the lookout for further evidence of Democrap perfidy - after all, if a concerted effort by Democrats to game the BLS numbers by calling in and reporting that their organic dildo stores were booming with a hundred employees each worked, then by next month MoveOn.org could get the unemployment rate all the way down to, like, 7.7%.

We are sensing a third term for President Obama. Guaranteed.

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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Hey, remember that hilarious time when Paul Ryan and Kevin McCarthy got caught on tape joking that LOL, Donald Trump and Congressman Dana Rohrabacher were totally on Putin's payroll? WaPo got the goods:

"There's two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump," McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016 exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post.

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy's assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

It's funny 'cause it's true! ALLEGEDLY. Earlier this month, Congressman Lubyanka Rohrabacher told Fox reporter Elex Michaelson that DNC hack was obviously an inside job.

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