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"GO HOME" is the edgy new Iowa GOP slogan for the young people. When a group of students visited the state capitol to testify about the effects of budget cuts on higher education, GOP State Senator Shawn Hammerlinck told the students, "I do not like it when students actually come here and lobby me for funds," because democracy is over now and THERE WILL BE NO LOBBYING unless it is done by old men with bags of gold coins. Shawn Hammerlinck does not appreciate hearing from constituents when they want to ask him for money. That ishis job, to ask people for money, to elect him, so he can yell at voters. Video after the jump!


"I want to thank you for joining us and though I have to concede, your time speaking before us is kind of a tad intense. It's probably a pretty new experience. You probably prepared for it for days and you sat there in front of us trying to make sure your remarks were just right, and that's a good thing. But actually spending your time worrying about what we're doing up here, I don't want you to do that. Go back home. Thanks, guys."

Was Hammerlinck an early victim of education cuts, or did he only sleep through English class so he could use redundancy winners like "kind of a tad" in the face of students who actually want to learn? Sorry, learners, your education was not meant for you to start "worrying" about what your government is up to.

Why does everybody like school so much anyway? Do they like being tortured by SWAT teams? [Iowa Senate Democrats]

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Dame Peggington Noonington awakened in the New York Publick Librarie in a daze. She did not know what series of unfortunate events had led to this moment, but she vaguely remembered that last time this happened a passerby on 5th Avenue had transported her there, having found her on a stoop with eyes glazed over, muttering "Buk! Buk!" If we're being honest, she was choking on gin, but the well-meaning Good Samaritan took her for a woman craving classic literature, and Peggy was OK with allowing that illusion to stand.

As she stumbled toward the exit to summon her chauffeur -- Manuel, who was also her houseboy, who probably was responsible entirely for her current predicament, and would be subject to a talking-to about his derring-do as soon as Peggy's head stopped pounding -- she happened upon a display of new arrivals. "Buk! Buk!" she said. Swallowing hard, she grabbed a copy of Michelle Obama's book and went out onto the New York street without actually checking the book out.

Peggy arrived home safely, if a bit worse for the wear. She had been thinking about America's royal families a lot lately, especially the genteel women who serve as First Lady. She was particularly charmed by Melania Trump's show of wicked mischief last week, firing the deputy national security adviser without regret! Peggy remembered how fun it is to fire people and stuck a Post-it on her forehead to remind her to fire Manuel later, for leaving her destitute among the commoners at the librarie.

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Congratulations to the Dear Leader on his flawless victory in court against the media dogs at the CNN cesspool of evil. Donald Trump is a champion of the people's right to civil discourse, and he will not hesitate to slap those who hurt the dignity of the Supreme Leadership. Take it from Ri Chun-hee Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

Today the court made clear that there is no absolute First Amendment right to access the White House. In response to the court, we will temporarily reinstate the reporter's hard pass. We will also further develop rules and processes to ensure fair and orderly press conferences in the future. There must be decorum at the White House.

Leave aside for a moment the screaming irony of the Pussgrab Administration lecturing the press on decorum. Literally none of what the Huckster said here is true. Judge Timothy Kelly ordered the White House Press Office to reinstate Jim Acosta's hard pass immediately on Fifth Amendment grounds. He didn't reach the First Amendment issues of press access because he didn't have to.

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