Donate

Genius.


Let's troll through the fever swamps of aspiring Republican politicians, shall we? Oh hello, kind Republican state Sen. Mark Chelgren of southeast Iowa, what do you have on your mind?

State Sen. Mark Chelgren, a southeast Iowa Republican who is running for Congress, says he favors consideration of capital punishment for criminal immigrants who continually enter the United States illegally.

Well that's friendly as all get out! No really, you foreigns, he means all of you should get out, before he does capital punishment to you. For serious:

For border security, Chelgren believes a fence would define the border and control who enters and leaves. If one is found to have crossed into the country illegally, committed a felony while here, then been deported, he supports executing that individual if they break America's immigration laws a second time.

It's the old "Two Strikes, You're Dead, You Gross Foreign" policy made famous by Jesus. What, you didn't know it? You probably think Jesus taught the Bible characters to be nice to refugees too, you heathen.

Now don't think Sen. Chelgren wants to murder ALL the foreign Spanishes:

“There is no reason to have felons here who threaten our way of life,” Chelgren said. He has complete respect for immigrants who follow the law and come to America to assimilate and build a better life.

That's nice. "Hey, you Mexican person! As long as you learn English and don't act all '¡Yo quiero Taco Bell!' about everything, you can live here. Sorry I had to PEW PEW PEW! your abuela, but she done wrong to America, TWICE."

To its credit, the Republican Party of Iowa said Chelgren's gnarly-ass racist views "do not represent the values and beliefs of Iowa Republicans. Period." It's not that we believe them so much as it's nice that they said that.

But come on, what's so wrong with what Chelgren said? He only meant it in a very NARROW way, not a WIDE way, and besides, mean Iowa Democrats are the real racists, for reverse racisting the good senator's racisting:

[H]e said he was only suggesting that capital punishment be considered narrowly in situations where persons repeatedly enter the United States with the intent of committing terrorism or other felony crimes. He contended that Democratic Party officials were overreacting to his remarks and engaging in "race-baiting."

No harm, no foul. It's only if you come to America "repeatedly" and act funny, like maybe you're a-thinkin' about doing some of that famous Mexican terrorism, SHUT UP, DEMOCRATS.

Let's ask Jeeves if this foreigner-hating trigger-finger otter scrotum is "pro-life." Maybe he co-sponsored a thing in the Iowa state Senate sometime roundabout January of this year?

Zaun also filed SF 91 which would ban abortions after 20 weeks. That will was co-sponsored by State Senators Amy Sinclair (R-Allerton), Jack Whitver (R-Ankeny), Jake Chapman (R-Adel) and Mark Chelgren (R-Ottumwa).

Man, this guy is great. Anything else we should know? Let's ask Wikipedia Brown about his biography:

Chelgren holds an associate of science degree from Riverside Community College. He also attended the University of California Riverside, but did not receive a degree.

Chelgren's Iowa State Senate biography states that at UC Riverside he studied "astro-physics [sic], geo-physics [sic], logic, and mathematics."

Bobby Jindal might not like hyphens or science, but this guy sure does! Except, sadface, he only got to do an associate's degree. We guess he tried to do a real degree at UC Riverside but failed, HEY WAIT A MINUTE. Yr Wonket editrix Rebecca Schoenkopf teached "How To Words Good" class at UC Riverside, MUST CREDIT WONKET!

Maybe if he had taken Becca's class, he would know how to words good now, instead of saying things like "Hey I would like to make shooty shooties onto the Messicans, I can be in Congress now?"

Nah, she probably would've failed him and he would still suck.

[Des Moines Register / Journal-Express / Wikipedia]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc