Bye, iSnarly!

My, what a difference a day makes! Just yesterday, we were sure that when Darrell Issa said he wouldn't seek reelection to his congressional seat in California's 49th district (that's a lot of districts!), he meant he was retiring from Congress to go steal cars and do arson in the private sector, because he's finally alienated even the fairly conservative people of San Diego. Hillary Clinton won the district in 2016, and Issa barely squeaked out a 1,600 vote win against Democrat and Marine Colonel Doug Applegate. So it seemed reasonable that Issa might be ready to hang up his spurs and his Scripto Aim-n-Flame BBQ lighter.

But maybe not! The Hill reports today that "multiple sources" say Issa may have his eye on a run in a neighboring district, at least if grifty campaign fund misusing Duncan "Rabbit Transit" Hunter leaves Congress.

Issa never actually said he was retiring, or even that he was leaving Congress -- in fact, his announcement included some very canny "I'm not touching you" phrasing:

[W]ith the support of my family, I have decided that I will not seek re-election in California's 49th District

“The wording of his statement — specifically referring to his district number a couple of times — makes some people believe he left things open to run for Hunter’s seat if he resigns,” one California GOP source told The Hill.

Adding to the rumormongering: Before redistricting in 2010, Issa represented parts of what became the 50th District, now represented by Hunter. Maybe he figures there are just enough Republicans there who don't utterly loathe him that he'd have a better chance? The Hill says the 50th is more rightwing, and that Donald Trump actually beat Hillary Clinton by 15 points there. This does not, however, take into account the basic problem Issa would have to overcome: Being Darrell Goddamn Issa.

Issa wouldn't comment on the rumors himself, and Hunter, who has had any number of little ol' ethics problems, says he's not planning to resign. But he did offer one peculiarly specific scenario in which he thought an Issa bid for the 50th district would make perfect sense:

“If I was to blow up in the air, then he would be running for it. If I was to blow up, then he would run for the seat,” Hunter told The Hill on Thursday, just off the House floor.

“If I blow up, yes. Why wouldn’t he run for my seat if I was to blow up in the air?”

Rep. Hunter, have you been watching Die Hard 2 too often? Don't you listen to your president? People don't just "blow up in the air" these days! Are you trying to tell us something? Have you spotted Darrell Issa lurking around the airport with a can of gas and a smirk?

What the hell is Darrell Issa doing? Do you know what he's doing? Because we have no idea what he's doing.

But we can guarantee one thing: If he loses in a whole 'nother congressional district, we can predict with confidence he'll demand an investigation into how Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton conspired to make it happen.

Now it is your OPEN THREAD! To celebrate, we bring you this very relevant Tom Waits song, what applies remarkably well to Darrell Issa: What's He Building In There?

Yr Wonkette is supported by reader donations. Please send us your cash monies so we won't blow up in the air. You don't want us to blow up in the air, do you?

[The Hill]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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Nancy Pelosi is making news again today after her weekly press conference, mostly because she said this about yesterday's nutbag performance from President Stable Genius:

[T]his time, another temper tantrum — again — I pray for the President Of The United States. I wish him and his family, his administration and staff would have an intervention for the good of the country.

She prays for him. And she's just kind of suggesting that maybe the president is unwell, in his brain. She's being very subtle!

When Glenn Thrush asked afterward what kind of "intervention" she might be talking about, she suggested that Article 25 would be just fine.

But many folks out there right now are saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT INPEACH! They are not going to do an intervention, because the intervention is called INPEACH!" (They are taking her words very literally, it would seem.) Every other damn day lately, there is news about how "NANCY SAID INPEACH IS BAD" or "NANCY SAID TRUMP'S ACTIONS IS SELF-INPEACH-ATORY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, NANCY!" and whatever else, we don't know, because we have muted all of Twitter until further notice. (Here is some news about the House Democrats' weekly meeting yesterday, most of which was about Democrats yelling INPEACH! while Nancy Pelosi gave them cold showers.)

Here's the thing:

In today's presser, Pelosi was clearer than ever about her feelings on impeachment -- she doesn't like it, and she'd really hate for the nation to get to a place where that's inevitable, she is just saying it would be truly terrible for them to have to do that -- but they might just be FORCED to go there. And wouldn't that be just terrible? Nancy Pelosi is praying about that just like she is praying for Trump, under a big oak tree that casts all the shade she threw at Donald Trump for her entire fucking presser.

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Happy Throwback Thursday! Remember Paul Manafort? He's still in jail, don't worry. But it looks like he might be getting some company soon from his old pal Stephen Calk, who just got indicted today by the Southern District of New York.

Calk was a simple CEO and COB at the Federal Savings Bank of Chicago, but he had big dreams. He'd been an army pilot and a money guy, so he figured he was competent to be either Secretary of Treasury or Secretary of Army. He'd take Commerce or HUD, or even a cool ambassadorship to France, or the UK, or the UN -- he wasn't picky. Just any old position befitting a guy who is 100 percent going to be played by Michael McKean in the movie version of this nightmare.

Luckily Calk knew a guy on the inside. Sure that guy had recently been You're Fired from the Trump campaign for ratfucking the Ukrainian election, but Paul Manafort was still waving his bits all over Trumpland in the summer and fall of 2016, so Paul Manafort had the hookup that Calk needed. Luckily, Calk had what Manafort needed, which was MONEY. Manafort's fountain of untaxed cash had dried up since the Ukrainians gave his guy Viktor Yanukovych the boot, and he was in danger of losing multiple investment properties to foreclosure. So naturally Calk stepped up to the plate with $15 million in loans to keep the wolves at bay, because what are friends with more political ambition than scruple for, right?

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