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Donald Trump and his great punkin'.


Y'all, we have a strange suggestion to make at you right now: Donald Trump might just not be "into" running for president anymore. WHOA IF TRUE! With 13 days left in the election, you think he'd at least be racing to the finish like a common "person who is running for president." But at this point that Mormon Evan McWhoever from Utah is doing more work than Trump is. In this post, we will briefly look at the evidence for our suggestion, and for fair and balanced purposes, we will look at the evidence against it too! We are service-y like that.

Point: Donald Trump Is Fucking The Fuck Over This Shit.

We discussed this morning that Trump has actually stopped doing the sorts of large-scale fundraisers Hillary Clinton and Tim Kaine are still VERY MUCH doing. This gives a big Fuck You to the Republican Party and all the down-ballot candidates who could use the money, and might, theoretically, in some parallel universe, benefit from having Donald Trump's endorsement. It also suggests maybe he's just not interested in doing the "end of the race" work done by all normal losing candidates, to make it at least look like they're going down fighting.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/607948/awwww-big-man-donald-trump-thinks-he-could-beat-joe-biden-in-a-fight"></a>[/wonkbar]A quick gander at Trump's schedule for the rest of the month shows a bunch of dumb rallies, the kinds of places where frothing hordes of radioactive weasel turds clap their paws together for him while he fantasizes about beating up the vice president of the United States "behind the barn." Maybe he's given up on actually winning, but he has a deep psychological need to see his name in lights, to see his Make America Great Again hats on the only remaining people in the United States who have any respect for him, so that's what he's chosen to do for the last couple weeks of this grand social experiment.

Speaking of those hats, did you hear that the Trump campaign has spent more dollars on those stupid fucking caps than they've spent on polling or other get-out-the-vote operations? He has ZERO ground game. Sounds like a campaign that REALLY wants to win, and not at all like a vanity project to soothe the wounded ego of a man America now knows is a coward, a loser, and a pussy.

There was one thing on Trump's schedule that wasn't a Lick Trump's Taint rally, though. He appeared in Washington DC on Wednesday for the "grand opening" of his newest dumb hotel. You know, the hotel nobody's staying at, just like nobody's staying at any of his hotels, because they have the name "Trump" on them. Nice people don't like staying at hotels owned by SprayTan McSadWeak anymore.

Wonder why Trump's running off to rescue his hotel operation 13 days before an election he's going to lose? Is there a STRATEGERY in play here? Maybe Republican strategist Steve Schmidt knows:

"The walls are collapsing," Schmidt told MSNBC in an interview. "He is not doing any of the normal activities that you'd be doing 13 days out in a presidential race for somebody who's competitive. You don't take a time-out to tend to your business interests."

Maybe he's just fucking OVER IT.

Counterpoint: Nuh Uh.

OK look. Donald Trump is a yooooge narcissist, and he thinks he's the most successful businessman in the world, even though the only thing he's really good at in life is declaring bankruptcy and violating women, ALLEGEDLY. So maybe he just thinks he doesn't need any of that shit -- the fundraisers, the get-out-the-vote operation, any of it. Maybe he thinks he -- the wise, brilliant, all-knowing Trump -- knows better than ONE MILLION YEARS OF AMERICAN VOTING HISTORY (give or take) and will show everybody, by doing it his way, and then we'll replace "The Star-Spangled Banner" with Frank Sinatra's "My Way," and it will be the song we all sing every morning to our benevolent dictator Donald Trump.

Maybe Trump actually believes his own lies about the polls being #rigged and run by the Demon-crat Benghazi Jew Media, and he's stupid enough to buy the argument that his huge crowds and his tremendous hat-selling operation (not to mention online debate polls) actually ARE better arbiters of the race than actual, scientific, time-tested polling.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/607753/hillary-clinton-tells-donald-trump-where-he-can-shove-his-russian-wikileaks"></a>[/wonkbar]MAYBE Trump actually has coke-snorted so many Hillary Clinton conspiracies from his loser campaign staff, that he actually believes some smoking gun is going to present itself -- either from his Russia-fellating pals at Wikileaks, or from that Weekly World News guy who claims to have arranged all the sexxx for Bill and Hillary Clinton, or from somewhere else -- that will render all the other work he should have been doing for his own campaign irrelevant. The world will turneth against the dark email goddess, and will duly crowneth the ferret-headed idiot as its forever king! Maybe that's it.

Maybe he and his Breitbart pals have a plan to #rig the election! HEY YOU NEVER KNOW. Trump projects a whole lot, so maybe he's the kind of guy who is willing to try to steal the election instead of earning it honestly. Wouldn't be a BIT like his business career, would it? NAH!

CONCLUSION: All Of The Above Is True, Or None Of It Is!

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/607906/kellyanne-conway-cant-delete-donald-trumps-twitter-because-shes-not-his-real-dad"></a>[/wonkbar]Remember that profile of Trump's "campaign manager" Kellyanne Conway, where she talked about how she and Trump have been fighting lately, about how he sometimes kinda sounds wistful, like he knows he's going to lose, which makes her GRRR, because she knows he is going to win? Let's refresh:

“I don’t sugarcoat at all,” said Conway.

She told him after his off script rant, “You and I are gonna fight for the next 17 days.”

When Trump asked why, Conway replied: “Because I know you’re going to win. And that comment you just made sounds like you think you’re going to lose. And we’re going to argue about it until you win.”

His response?

“He was like, ‘OK, honey. Then we’ll win,’ ” Conway said.

OK, honey. Whatever you say. You'll win. Or you'll lose. Maybe you still care. Or maybe you don't and you just want to get back to being shitty at business. Maybe you're so embarrassed at what a fuckshow you've made of yourself that you never want to go out into American public again.

Whatever it is, Wonkette will accept the results, as long as Donald Trump goes the fuck away forever.

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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