Arizona Republicans are currently hanging their heads in shame after hiring a company called "Cyber Ninjas" to look for bamboo ballots to prove that China stole the 2020 presidential election for Joe Biden. Or, something? Honestly, who the hell even knows. Anyway, they've turned the state into a national laughingstock, so naturally Georgia Gippers want in on some of that action.

Honestly, look at this lede from the Atlanta Journal-Constitution:

Aided by a treasure hunter, the tea party and an unshakable belief that the presidential election was rigged, a group of skeptics may soon inspect Georgia absentee ballots in an attempt to find counterfeits.

Yeah, baby! Only this time instead of bamboo fibers the new hotness is folds. Specifically, the pack of geniuses bringing this suit believe that ballots without folds are inherently SUSPICIOUS and FRAUD, so they're going to, uh, read the ballots' palms and see if their lifelines are fake. Never mind that all military and overseas ballots have to be duplicated so the machines can read them, as do any ballots that got too folded in the mail, so plenty of ballots come off the copier smooth as a baby's bottom.

Look, this ain't a brains operation.


One of [lead plaintiff Garland] Favorito's consultants reviewing ballot images is Jovan Pulitzer, an inventor and former lost treasure hunter who searched for the Ark of the Covenant. Along with Trump attorney Rudy Giuliani, Pulitzer spread election fraud conspiracies during a state Senate hearing at the Georgia Capitol in December. Pulitzer's ballot inspection technology is being used in Arizona's ballot audit as well.

And Favorito's lawyers are a special bunch, too.

This complaint was drafted by a crew of personal injury attorneys who specialize in slip-and-falls? Well, that explains a lot. It's just a heaping pile of vote dilution/equal protection/water main leak conspiracy nonsense, and it's already been thoroughly rejected by state and federal courts. In fact, as the AJC article notes, these very same PI lawyers worked on some of those earlier garbage cases.

The plaintiffs did score an early victory when they persuaded Henry County Judge Brian Amero to let them see digital copies of the ballots in question, but that is on hold until at least June 21 because of one or two little oopsies in the plaintiffs' briefs. To wit:

  1. They failed to sue the right parties;
  2. Some of the parties they substituted are also not the right parties, since neither Fulton County nor the Fulton County Court Clerk controls election administration;
  3. They failed to serve the parties, so the court has no jurisdiction to order anyone to do anything;
  4. They then lied to the court about having effected service of process, submitting a false affidavit to the court, at least according to this brief;
  5. The county has sovereign immunity, which it has not waived;
  6. There is a legal process to challenge election results, and this ain't it. And styling this as a civil rights case (insert Kathryn Hahn wink meme) ain't it either;
  7. And, to top it all off, their legal arguments are garbage.

But other than that, bang up job, fellas!

If you care about Georgia election fuckery, Georgia Public Broadcasting reporter Stephen Fowler is a must-follow.

And speaking of lawyers who really ought to know better, Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger gave an absolutely appalling interview to the New York Times in which he gave his blessing to this ridiculous endeavor as just the antidote the country needs after Democrats — DEMOCRATS! — destroyed voters' faith in the integrity of our elections.

Unfortunately, the No. 1 issue that we're facing right now in elections nationwide is voter confidence. Now, in Georgia, it goes back to the 2018 governor's race, when Stacey Abrams did not concede, and then in 2016, days after President Trump won, the other camp talks about Russian collusion. And so we had those aspersions cast on Trump's victory.

But what happens each time is that voter confidence takes a hit. So whenever we can restore, or have a process that will help restore, voter confidence, I think that's a good thing — if you have an open and transparent process in which everyone can objectively agree that this is due process that they're doing, that they're making sure they're following the law.

Yes, why are Democrats objecting to a game of Calvinball with referees who have already publicly declared that the Blue Team cheated and the Red Team is the winner? If we have nothing to hide, why do we object to turning ballots over to some treasure hunting loon to wave his magic wand over and declare all Biden ballots void under the principles of phrenology, or Sinology, or Scientology, or whatever bullshit theory the wingers have latched onto this week?

FUCK. OFF.

[AJC / GPB / NYT]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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