Hypothesis: Mike Pence Is The Michael Jordan Of Hating Gays

Indiana Gov. Mike Pence did himself a right nice presser Tuesday morning, wherein he explained that he is Not Sorry for signing the Fuck The Gays bill, which he does not understand, but that he wants to clarify that he in no way, shape, or form wants the law to be used to actually fuck the gays. And never, in his whole life, has he supported discrimination, no sir.

"I don’t support discrimination against gays or lesbians or anyone else," he said. "I abhor discrimination." He then added, "No one should be harassed or mistreated because of who they are, who they love, or what they believe."

So is Mike Pence just a dumb guy who let vicious anti-gay wingnuts throat-cram Indiana with a hate law, or is he ONE OF THEM? Has he, in fact, supported discrimination? Let us look at the evidence!

Nice Friends You Got There, Gov. Pence

Pictured above, the creepy one in the back, is Curt Smith, the president of the Indiana Family Institute. If you read "family" in the name and assume they are viciously anti-gay, that's because you didn't just fall off the turnip truck when you were born yesterday! Smith believes that "homosexuality is harmful to all," that gayness is just like animal-fucking, and says the lesson of Matthew Shepard's death is that hetero marriage should be strengthened in order to make people stop doing drugs. Make sense? Of course not. It might help to understand that Smith is one of those who believe that Shepard's murder had nothing at all to do with him being gay.

He also weirdly got on the computer one Thanksgiving morning and challenged the gay community to prove that they weren't just obsessed with blowjobs and ice cream, and to say something they were THANKFUL for. (Um, blowjobs and ice cream?)

Pence did the keynote speech for an anti-gay luncheon thrown by the IFI in 2014, where the focus was "protecting marriage." Oh, and he also used to be on their board. SO THERE'S THAT.

The creepy one standing over Pence's left shoulder is Eric Miller, executive director of Advance America, another anti-gay group that Pence hearts SO MUCH. Miller is known for spreading the lie that pastors will have to go to jail if they say mean things about gays, once the gays have fully taken over America. The excellent gay activist Jeremy Hooper uncoveredvideo of Pence slobbering praise all over the Advance America group and its leader, for creating a "family environment" in Indiana. Hooper also published screen shots of lobbying materials used by Advance America in their fevered campaign to enshrine the Fuck The Gays bill into law:

Gosh, did Mike Pence have NO IDEA they were saying all these things? Advance America and the IFI must have done a really good job keeping the secret from him, because clearly they know that he "abhors discrimination" and doesn't want to sign anything that's about hatin' gays!

We could go through the grotesque statements and record of the American Family Association, represented above by Micah Clark, but they're pretty much the standard-bearer for anti-gay hate groups that even the Family Research Council has a hard time living up to.

So, nice friends you got there, Gov. Pence?

Okay, So His Friends Are Super-Lame, What About Pence's Own Record?

But we don't want to guilt Pence by association! Maybe he just has very poor judgment in choosing friends, or those are the only people he knows, and he's shy around new people. Let's look at some of Pence's own statements and actions, shall we?

We can start with Taegan Goddard's helpful side-by-side comparison of Mike Pence, in 2000, compared with his comments from today. Wonder what candidate Pence said on his campaign website back then:

Congress should oppose any effort to recognize homosexual’s [sic] as a "discreet and insular minority" entitled to the protection of anti-discrimination laws similar to those extended to women and ethnic minorities.

Well, on that he has not changed! He has said several times that giving gays and lesbians protected status is not "part of his agenda." However, upon further examination, Pence's 2000 campaign website calls for the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell -- not because it was hateful and discriminatory, but because he believed gays should be banned outright, no gay assfucking allowed even if you keep it a secret. Though those are both bigoted positions, we still must say FLIP-FLOPPER, since he didn't want it repealed in 2010.

Also from that campaign website? THIS GEM:

Congress should support the reauthorization of the Ryan White Care Act only after completion of an audit to ensure that federal dollars were no longer being given to organizations that celebrate and encourage the types of behaviors that facilitate the spreading of the HIV virus. Resources should be directed toward those institutions which provide assistance to those seeking to change their sexual behavior.

Ooh, that's nice and anti-sciencey. No AIDS moneys unless you're trying to force people to pray away the gay! Wow, Mike Pence, history has not been kind to any thought you've ever had, has it? Also, we are pretty sure that none of the "ex-gay" conglomerates ever provided HIV/AIDS treatment, be we could be totally wrong.

But maybe we are being unfair and he "evolved," like Barack Obama! Let's jump a bit into the future, lots of people were dumb and stupid in the year 2000, we hadn't even had a 9/11 yet!

Here is then-Rep. Mike Pence way back yonder in 2010, during the fight over the repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell, saying that we really don't need to "mainstream homosexuality" into the military, right there alongside our nice heterosexual service members, because it would just mess everything up (it didn't, studies show):

"I would still have a problem with it because there’s no question to mainstream homosexuality within active duty military would have an impact on unit cohesion would have an impact on recruitment, an impact on readiness, that’s been established and written about and chronicled for many many years and I believe we need to continue to keep the focus of our military on the mission of the military. Don’t ask don’t tell was a compromise back in the early 90s, it’s been a successful compromise we ought to leave it like it is and and not run the risk of impacting the readiness of our military or recruitment for our military because of an effort to advance some liberal domestic social agenda."

"Some liberal domestic social agenda" like the one that is currently attacking poor Indiana with sweet, sweet gayness? That sounds terrible.

Talking Points Memo did a little digging and found some other nice things Pence has done and said regarding the gays, all in the last few years:

In 2010, Pence signed an open letter by the anti-gay marriage Family Research Council that ran in Politico and the Washington Examiner expressing support for organizations that oppose same-sex marriage and "protect and promote natural marriage and family." (A year earlier, the FRC's Tony Perkins praised Pence for joining a private briefing with local pastors on efforts to pass a traditional "marriage protection amendment." Perkins praised Pence as a "solid ally on this issue in the U.S. House.")

[...]

Not surprisingly, during his time in the House, Pence voted "yes" on legislation defining marriage as only between one man and one woman, and he opposed legislation that prohibited workplace discrimination based on sexual orientation.

In 2011, an opinion piece by Wendy Kaminer in The Atlantic quoted Pence arguing that the Employment Non-Discrimination Act "wages war on freedom of religion in the workplace."

Huh, where have we heard that recently? OH WAIT, PICK ME, PICK ME, Pence just signed an anti-gay law that gives wingnuts the right to deny service to gays and lesbians. We're not sure, but we BET he still thinks that your freedom of religion is being waged-war-upon if you have to hire a fag. But don't call him anti-gay, he ABHORS DISCRIMINATION.

Conclusion: Mike Pence Is Totally The Michael Jordan Of Hating Gays

Looks like it! He is suddenly being very nice on the television, claiming he's all for hippie-dippie love shit, that he doesn't want anybody discriminating against anybody, but that's all because he's cornered and his state is really, for real, about to lose a metric fuckton of investment, tax moneys, and goodwill if they don't fix this. But Pence's record speaks for itself. You can put lipstick on a bigot, but at the end of the day, all's ya got is a dumb, heavy-breathing Mike Pence, wearing lipstick and making up fake stories about how discrimination makes him cry, because of his best friends Martin Luther King Jr. and John Lewis.

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[Good As You/Talking Points Memo/GLAAD Commentator Accountability Project/graphic by Twitterperson @seamonkey237]