and also too energy, we forgot to put "energy" when we made our meme

[contextly_sidebar id="n6ReUdOD7pGEE346XuZd4B06UGD1O2DA"]Dear friends, we are worried about our smartest brain surgeon to ever cut open brains and also run for Republican president of America, Ben Carson. We have been saying for a long time that we are pretty sure his brain got broken at some point, maybe when he beated up the robber at the Popeyes Organization, or possibly when he was stabbing all the whoever-they-ares he used to stab so much as a child, he can't remember who they were.

[contextly_sidebar id="tUau4SEisc1lCgBn4KnyjGW1yXW3TYzJ"]But we are REALLY worried now, because of what he said during Thursday night's GOP debate. The unfair moderator Bret Baier asked Carson what if Vladimir Putin invades Estonia, which was cruel to start with because how is that a country even? Ben Carson does not know. Does it have a super-confusing system of government with more than three parties like Israel? Regardless, he had to come up with an answer for this question on the spot, and it seems God abandoned him:

Putin is a one-horse country: oil and energy.

Whateventhefuck and WHOA IF TRUE and how does that even work as an English sentence? Pardon us for being dicks, but PUTIN is not a "country," and "one-horse" means tiny and simple, like a town in the Wild West, and oil and energy are TWO FUCKING HORSES OH MY GOD.

Is Ben Carson one of those people who takes Ambien and then stays awake, which is not the way 4 out of 5 doctors agree the sleepytime medicine should be taken? We are just asking.

Also, everyone know Vladimir Putin far too much man for one horse.

Back on topic now. Some people on the internet are pointing out that Carson did a boo-boo to the preamble of the Constitution at the end, and it's true, yes he did, but so would you if you decided to say the Constitution as your closing statement in the Republican debate. Don't lie.

But damn, that sentence. Sarah Palin's sense of grammar would be offended.

[contextly_sidebar id="8Q99qKc8iClWO0jruuDicGvKrIeCvuFA"]We think it's safe to say all the tests have been run, the team that was supposed to unbreak Ben Carson's brain has failed -- and should not feel bad, because that is one broke down fuckin' brain -- and he should probably not run for president anymore, at least not without wearing a helmet for his own protection.

[WaPo debate transcript]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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