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On Monday, Donald Trump Jr. went on the Laura Ingraham radio program for yelling words at stupid people, and it was the first time he had spoken out since his dad yet again screwed him, by admitting on Twitter that the Trump Tower Russian treason meeting was totally about getting dirty Russian opposition research on Hillary Clinton, despite their earlier denials, and saying he is not either worried his stupid son accidentally committed treason, just by doing all these crimes.

This also happened after President Sundowner YET AGAIN FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME tweeted this old canard:



NO COLUSION, NO COLUSION, HILLARY IS THE COLUSION!

Stupid websites are focusing on how the very second Ingraham asked Dipshit a question about the Trump Tower meeting, the line went silent. Oh no, what happened?!?!?!?!?!?! asked the stupid websites! Did Junior disappear to go hide under the dining room table slapping himself in the face because he knows he is guilty of treason? Did Kimberly Guilfoyle paste a picture of a normal human face on his bathroom mirror, so that when he looks in the mirror, he doesn't immediately regret his entire face? Was he in the bathroom staring at that?

Is it a conspiracy???

No, #Resistance, it was technical difficulties, and you need to relax.

More interesting to us than the technical snafu is that in the ensuing time, between when Junior disappeared and when Junior came back (peekaboo!), Ingraham went on the very same dumbass rant President ClownDick went on yesterday, about how everybody is focusing on this Trump Tower treason meeting and nobody is talking about how HILLARY bought a DOSSIER from the RUSSIANS, and how is that not worse? You have heard GOP members of the House of Representatives SCREAMING SIMILAR QUESTIONS AT YOUR FACE A MILLION TIMES OVER THE PAST YEAR.

So why is Donald Trump Jr. maybe going to jail, yet the Steele Dossier runs free?

Despite how Ingraham, Trump, and the GOP are totally brain-fucked/lying when it comes to where the dossier came from, there's a valid question hidden behind all their dumbass-ery. Why is it OK for Hillary Clinton's DNC law firm to contract an (American) firm to do oppo research on Trump's ties to Russia, which leads to that firm hiring a British spy named Christopher Steele (one of the best in the world!), who proceeds to get intel from Russian sources? And likewise, why is it not OK for a bunch of the Trump family's closest Russian spy friends to give them shitloads of dirt on Hillary Clinton, dirt that was procured illegally?

Turns out Philip Bump at the Washington Post decided to explain that very thing on Monday, and the simplest way to illustrate the difference is to ask, "Which way is the money going? Is it going to the campaign? Or is it going away from the campaign?"

Bump quotes various experts who explain the Trump Tower problem, which is that federal law doesn't just ban contributions of actual money dollars to campaigns from foreign governments, but also donations of goods, services, outside advocacy -- in short, anything of value given that can help a candidate. Bump notes also that "the law prohibits any American from aiding any of the above efforts." So basically, whatever the Russians spent to bring delicious Hillary dirts to the Trump campaign counts as a contribution, and the Trump campaign invited them into the house, which means they could be in big trouble mister. Hell, Donald Trump Jr. specifically said "I love it," in response to an emails marked "Russia -- Clinton -- private and confidential," and that specifically mentioned the Russian government's support for for his dad's campaign.

Remember how in "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," vampires can't get in to your house and suck your blood unless you invite them to cross the threshold? This is like that, just with far less Hot David Boreanaz and an unhealthy amount of Donald Trump Jr.'s screwy face. Let's pause for hot David Boreanaz:

Good intermission!

Now, let Bump tell you how the hiring of Christopher Steele is different, by talking to his expert, who just happens to be the guy who used to be general counsel for the Federal Election Commission (FEC):

"Paying a foreign national fair market value for opposition research is generally not illegal," [Lawrence] Noble wrote. "It is considered a commercial transaction, which is not a contribution." Clinton's campaign had paid Fusion GPS directly; it's a campaign expenditure, not a campaign contribution. Since it's not a contribution, the FEC allows it. [...]

It's akin to a campaign looking to investigate an opponent's history of real estate deals in Mexico: Hiring a Mexican firm that's familiar with the available records would be perfectly legal, if the firm were paid with legally raised campaign contributions.

They paid Steele for services rendered. Perfectly legal services. He did not pay them.

Oh, but wait! Steele made a Dodgy Dossier! And he ... took it to the FBI, because he was holy shit freaked out by the criminal conspiracy he was uncovering.

Oh, but wait! Because PETER STRZOK DEEP STATE FBI CONSPIRACY TEXT MESSAGES HI I'M CONGRESSMAN JIM JORDAN AND THE TEAM DOC IS JUST GONNA MOLEST THIS WRESTLER RIGHT NEXT TO ME WHILE I YELL CRAZY WORDS AT YOU, THAT COOL? ALLEGEDLY?

No, Jim Jordan, fuck you. There was no conspiracy. And the FBI didn't reveal the existence of an investigation into the Trump campaign during the campaign, an investigation that started long before they got the dossier from Steele.

Short version: NO COLUSION! NO COLUSION! TRUMP IS STILL THE ONLY COLUSION!

But wait! Maybe there's even more to this story!

Here we'd like to add some "what if" to our analysis, that goes further than Philip Bump went in WaPo. Let's say that, instead of Fusion GPS subcontracting with Christopher Steele to do investigative opposition research (which is totally legal), the Hillary Clinton campaign had hired foreign spies to hack into the Trump campaign or organization, would that be a scandal? YES! In that case, they would be hiring those hackers to COMMIT CRIMES, and then using the spoils of those crimes to help her election chances.

On that train of thought, what if the Trump campaign actually laundered the money into Russia to pay for the hacking? Well, the Steele Dossier alleges just that:

WHOA IF TRUE. We don't know yet how true it is, though. However -- and despite what Trump and his minions shout constantly -- the fact is that the dossier hasn't been debunked even a little bit. And McClatchy did have that report that said special counsel Robert Mueller has evidence Michael Cohen did indeed make such a trip, though no other news organizations have been able to confirm McClatchy's reporting. But if that happened, that means the Trump campaign HIRED RUSSIANS TO COMMIT CRIMES, then received the spoils of that crime back in the form of hacked emails, laundered through WikiLeaks, which itself is a front for Russian intelligence.

As we explained Monday, we are still not sure just how much the Trump campaign got out of Junior's Big Fun Treason Time in Trump Tower. The Trump camp constantly says nothing, but we have no reason to believe they're not lying. We also don't know about what other meetings and contacts Trump people may have had with Russians in order to plan and coordinate the hacking and release of stolen private emails from the DNC, the DCCC, and the Hillary Clinton campaign.

But whatever we find out -- and we bet it's a whole fuckton of shit -- every goddamn bit of it is illegal and every goddamn member of the Trump campaign deserves to go to prison for it.

And if the Steele Dossier ends up being right about the breadth of the conspiracy, then oh boy! What a treasure trove of information that COMPLETELY LEGAL DOCUMENT has been telling us this whole time!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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