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On Monday, Donald Trump Jr. went on the Laura Ingraham radio program for yelling words at stupid people, and it was the first time he had spoken out since his dad yet again screwed him, by admitting on Twitter that the Trump Tower Russian treason meeting was totally about getting dirty Russian opposition research on Hillary Clinton, despite their earlier denials, and saying he is not either worried his stupid son accidentally committed treason, just by doing all these crimes.

This also happened after President Sundowner YET AGAIN FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME tweeted this old canard:



NO COLUSION, NO COLUSION, HILLARY IS THE COLUSION!

Stupid websites are focusing on how the very second Ingraham asked Dipshit a question about the Trump Tower meeting, the line went silent. Oh no, what happened?!?!?!?!?!?! asked the stupid websites! Did Junior disappear to go hide under the dining room table slapping himself in the face because he knows he is guilty of treason? Did Kimberly Guilfoyle paste a picture of a normal human face on his bathroom mirror, so that when he looks in the mirror, he doesn't immediately regret his entire face? Was he in the bathroom staring at that?

Is it a conspiracy???

No, #Resistance, it was technical difficulties, and you need to relax.

More interesting to us than the technical snafu is that in the ensuing time, between when Junior disappeared and when Junior came back (peekaboo!), Ingraham went on the very same dumbass rant President ClownDick went on yesterday, about how everybody is focusing on this Trump Tower treason meeting and nobody is talking about how HILLARY bought a DOSSIER from the RUSSIANS, and how is that not worse? You have heard GOP members of the House of Representatives SCREAMING SIMILAR QUESTIONS AT YOUR FACE A MILLION TIMES OVER THE PAST YEAR.

So why is Donald Trump Jr. maybe going to jail, yet the Steele Dossier runs free?

Despite how Ingraham, Trump, and the GOP are totally brain-fucked/lying when it comes to where the dossier came from, there's a valid question hidden behind all their dumbass-ery. Why is it OK for Hillary Clinton's DNC law firm to contract an (American) firm to do oppo research on Trump's ties to Russia, which leads to that firm hiring a British spy named Christopher Steele (one of the best in the world!), who proceeds to get intel from Russian sources? And likewise, why is it not OK for a bunch of the Trump family's closest Russian spy friends to give them shitloads of dirt on Hillary Clinton, dirt that was procured illegally?

Turns out Philip Bump at the Washington Post decided to explain that very thing on Monday, and the simplest way to illustrate the difference is to ask, "Which way is the money going? Is it going to the campaign? Or is it going away from the campaign?"

Bump quotes various experts who explain the Trump Tower problem, which is that federal law doesn't just ban contributions of actual money dollars to campaigns from foreign governments, but also donations of goods, services, outside advocacy -- in short, anything of value given that can help a candidate. Bump notes also that "the law prohibits any American from aiding any of the above efforts." So basically, whatever the Russians spent to bring delicious Hillary dirts to the Trump campaign counts as a contribution, and the Trump campaign invited them into the house, which means they could be in big trouble mister. Hell, Donald Trump Jr. specifically said "I love it," in response to an emails marked "Russia -- Clinton -- private and confidential," and that specifically mentioned the Russian government's support for for his dad's campaign.

Remember how in "Buffy The Vampire Slayer," vampires can't get in to your house and suck your blood unless you invite them to cross the threshold? This is like that, just with far less Hot David Boreanaz and an unhealthy amount of Donald Trump Jr.'s screwy face. Let's pause for hot David Boreanaz:

Good intermission!

Now, let Bump tell you how the hiring of Christopher Steele is different, by talking to his expert, who just happens to be the guy who used to be general counsel for the Federal Election Commission (FEC):

"Paying a foreign national fair market value for opposition research is generally not illegal," [Lawrence] Noble wrote. "It is considered a commercial transaction, which is not a contribution." Clinton's campaign had paid Fusion GPS directly; it's a campaign expenditure, not a campaign contribution. Since it's not a contribution, the FEC allows it. [...]

It's akin to a campaign looking to investigate an opponent's history of real estate deals in Mexico: Hiring a Mexican firm that's familiar with the available records would be perfectly legal, if the firm were paid with legally raised campaign contributions.

They paid Steele for services rendered. Perfectly legal services. He did not pay them.

Oh, but wait! Steele made a Dodgy Dossier! And he ... took it to the FBI, because he was holy shit freaked out by the criminal conspiracy he was uncovering.

Oh, but wait! Because PETER STRZOK DEEP STATE FBI CONSPIRACY TEXT MESSAGES HI I'M CONGRESSMAN JIM JORDAN AND THE TEAM DOC IS JUST GONNA MOLEST THIS WRESTLER RIGHT NEXT TO ME WHILE I YELL CRAZY WORDS AT YOU, THAT COOL? ALLEGEDLY?

No, Jim Jordan, fuck you. There was no conspiracy. And the FBI didn't reveal the existence of an investigation into the Trump campaign during the campaign, an investigation that started long before they got the dossier from Steele.

Short version: NO COLUSION! NO COLUSION! TRUMP IS STILL THE ONLY COLUSION!

But wait! Maybe there's even more to this story!

Here we'd like to add some "what if" to our analysis, that goes further than Philip Bump went in WaPo. Let's say that, instead of Fusion GPS subcontracting with Christopher Steele to do investigative opposition research (which is totally legal), the Hillary Clinton campaign had hired foreign spies to hack into the Trump campaign or organization, would that be a scandal? YES! In that case, they would be hiring those hackers to COMMIT CRIMES, and then using the spoils of those crimes to help her election chances.

On that train of thought, what if the Trump campaign actually laundered the money into Russia to pay for the hacking? Well, the Steele Dossier alleges just that:

WHOA IF TRUE. We don't know yet how true it is, though. However -- and despite what Trump and his minions shout constantly -- the fact is that the dossier hasn't been debunked even a little bit. And McClatchy did have that report that said special counsel Robert Mueller has evidence Michael Cohen did indeed make such a trip, though no other news organizations have been able to confirm McClatchy's reporting. But if that happened, that means the Trump campaign HIRED RUSSIANS TO COMMIT CRIMES, then received the spoils of that crime back in the form of hacked emails, laundered through WikiLeaks, which itself is a front for Russian intelligence.

As we explained Monday, we are still not sure just how much the Trump campaign got out of Junior's Big Fun Treason Time in Trump Tower. The Trump camp constantly says nothing, but we have no reason to believe they're not lying. We also don't know about what other meetings and contacts Trump people may have had with Russians in order to plan and coordinate the hacking and release of stolen private emails from the DNC, the DCCC, and the Hillary Clinton campaign.

But whatever we find out -- and we bet it's a whole fuckton of shit -- every goddamn bit of it is illegal and every goddamn member of the Trump campaign deserves to go to prison for it.

And if the Steele Dossier ends up being right about the breadth of the conspiracy, then oh boy! What a treasure trove of information that COMPLETELY LEGAL DOCUMENT has been telling us this whole time!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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