Is There A Salacious Sexual Videotape Of Godly Christian Hetero Sex Stallion Madison Cawthorn?
Last night, wayward Aryan youth Madison Cawthorn started releasing strange videos of him talking to his constituents, telling them everything was rigged against him, and that the evil mainstream media was doing unfair wars upon his innocent self. He talked about the lingerie picture and claimed the entire media is obsessed with it and is talking like he's some kind of DRAG QUEEN on the side.
Which was strange, because the media didn't really give a damn about that picture, and when it came out, everybody's collective reaction was like "hennnghhhhh?" and also "Wow, Cawthorn's Republican opponents really hate him."
I\u2019m ready to keep fighting for you.\n\nI wanted you to know the truth, straight from me. Don\u2019t lose hope, don\u2019t listen to the fake news.\n\nDon\u2019t let the swamp of Washington dissuade or distract you from sending a warrior back to Washington.\n\nI\u2019ve only just begun to fight for you.pic.twitter.com/kDqtzsoquT— Madison Cawthorn (@Madison Cawthorn) 1651695150
Cawthorn, because he is a parody of himself, said he doesn't expect anything better from Politico, which published the lingerie pic, because "It is Politico after all – not exactly the same journalistic standards as Fox or Newsmax.”
And then he defended himself yet again from allegedly salacious videos of him allegedly doing gay things with a man's hand next to his crotch, because after all, kind sirs, he and his friend were just being silly, and that man isn't his friend, that's his cousin! And we thought to ourselves, "Sir, you are a rightwing conservative Christian man from the mountains of western North Carolina. 'It's not gay if it's my cousin' is not a sentence construction you want to get anywhere near."
But again, when those weird videos came out, "the media" didn't think anything of it, except that again, Cawthorn's GOP opponents really want to take this guy down. You see, these supposedly "salacious" things aren't "salacious" to anyone besides a sexually repressed conservative Christian loser, AKA Cawthorn's constituency. The only people who'd see such pics and say anything besides "Christ, what a fucking idiot" are the kind of evangelical Jesus camp dropouts whose votes Cawthorn needs in his GOP primary.
And it's clear: His GOP opponents despise him. And oh boy, Republican politicians seem really mad he talked about the coke orgies!
Anyway, there is a "dry humping" tape of Cawthorn now, and he's also defending himself against that in the above video. It is not a sex tape. It's stupid Madison being stupid with his stupid cousin again. Just two men who are emotionally nine-year-old boys being emotionally nine years old, and they're rough-housin'.
It was released by the Fire Madison Cawthorn website, which is being extremely dramatic and acting like it has stumbled upon the political porn tape of the century. "This video includes nudity. The video should not be watched with children, anyone offended by nudity, or anyone prone to fainting when they see a nude Member of Congress. Watch the video at your own peril. It ain't pretty." Whatever. You can watch it. It's stupid as hell.
Again, this is not political smearing directed toward normal people. "The media" really doesn't care.
But sure, Madison, tell us all about it.
A new hit against me just dropped. \n\nYears ago, in this video, I was being crass with a friend, trying to be funny.\n\nWe were acting foolish, and joking. \n\nThat\u2019s it. \n\nI\u2019m NOT backing down.\n\nI told you there would be a drip drip campaign.\n\nBlackmail won't win. We will.— Madison Cawthorn (@Madison Cawthorn) 1651706814
Yeah, honestly, at this point we're starting to wonder if Madison is leaking these videos and pictures of himself, in a desperate effort to convince the world he's a cool guy who's had sex before.
As Amanda Marcotte wrote about the last thing, the crotch-touching thing:
The supposed crotch-touching video is really more of a leg-touching video, only really scandalous to men so homophobic they think any physical contact between men will make them gay. But for people who live inside the conservative media bubble, this sort of stuff could easily be read as Satanic decadence.
Yeah. But sure, Madison, tell us how this is all the work of the devil liberal fake news. It's very convincing.
In the video above, Cawthorn also responds to some of the other very unfair attacks against him, like the very real fact that he got caught with a loaded gun at the airport and whatnot. You can watch it if you're just deathly bored or something. Or you can skip it entirely. Don't care.
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