Is This Lunatic Gay Loving Baby Killer Donald Trump's VEEP? No, Not Newt Gingrich

Donald Trump's vice presidential contenders are all the hell over the place. He's considering everyone from that Cookie Puss, Chris Christie, to his daughter Ivanka maybe, now that his "short-list" of candidates has told him they didn't want things to get weird and spoil their special friendship. Enter the (new) dark horse contender, retired U.S. Army Lt. Gen. Michael Flynn. He loves the gays, hates Obama, and believes in a woman's right to kill babies, so he'll fit right in next to Trump.

(How many abortions do you think Trump has personally paid for? Like 50? We would guess "like 50.")

Flynn has been whispering sweet nothings and anti-jihadist bullshit in Trump since at least February when he signed on as an adviser, but he's been lurking about the shadows of the foreign policy scene for some time now. Flynn's served in numerous military intelligence positions, including in Afghanistan and Iraq, as well as directed the Joint Special Operations Command from 2004-2007 (JSOC coordinates special forces, like Navy SEALS and Delta Force, and others who Hillary Clinton wouldn't let help in Benghazi), as well as US Central Command. Flynn also served as director of the Defense Intelligence Agency from 2012 to 2014, and that's where things his shit starts to stink.

By most accounts, Flynn was forced to retire because he started fucking around with Pentagon intelligence operations. According to a 2014 WaPo piece Flynn's critics found his management style "chaotic" and "disruptive" and said he wanted analysts "up and out of their cubicles and into the field to support war fighters or high-intensity operations." In other words, he wanted geeks in the Beltway to trade in their keyboards for kevlar.

Flynn has since started his own consulting business like any true patriot with too much time on their hands. His criticisms of military intelligence operations have only grown louder since his retirement. On several occasions he's been brought before Congressional committees to lay blame for the Russian invasion of Crimea, and the rise of ISIS, at the feet of the Obama administration. More recently, he's been stomping his own feet on teevee as a talking head, mouthing off on familiar Trump talking points, like how bad the Iranian nuclear deal is, or Obama's refusal to say "radical Islam" because it doesn't clearly define the enemy. Apparently, "assholes" is just too broad.

Like Trump, Flynn grows a warm, rubbery one at the thought of the U.S. rekindling a relationship with Russia. He's reported to have made several trips to Russia, one of which had him speaking at a conference held by pro-Russia propaganda outlet R.T., before dining alongside Putin.

This weekend, Flynn made some news on teevee. Flynn, a registered Democrat (believe it or not), was on ABC's "This Week" where he was asked about his stance on several domestic issues like immigration, abortion and gay marriage and where he said butt-stuff wasn't that big of a deal to him.

"What people do in their private lives, these are not big issues that our country is dealing with that will cause our country to collapse. I'm more concerned that our country could collapse because we are not dealing with education issues, immigration issues."

Flynn later pissed all over pro-lifers by saying he felt abortion was a woman's choice, and that they should be the ones to make that decision. Flynn has since walked back his comments, like a total coward, telling Fox that he's a Pro-Life Democrat.

So now, according to Chuck C. Johnson, it's not Flynn at all who'll serve as Trump's veep, but Newt Gingrich!

Which just goes to prove that it will be anyone but Newt Gingrich.

[ WaPo / NYPost / ABC]

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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