Is This Michele Bachmann Playing 'Bop It' With The Lord? Sure Why Not.

Religion

We didn't know if any weirdass rightwing Christian could top that viral video of televangelist Kenneth Copeland spreading his plastic-surgery-gone-wrong face wide open and "laughing" at the media for declaring Joe Biden president. We are not sure this video we are about to show you, of Michele Bachmann, tops it, but it's definitely some batshit.

In Matthew chapter six, Jesus is pretty specific about how prayer is something one is not supposed to do performatively for a public audience, because God is not impressed with that. There's also a verse just after that about how you don't need to babble when you pray, because just don't, OK, Michele Bachmann? Just stop it, OK, Michele Bachmann? God knows what you're praying about before you even bow your head, He in His omniscience knows you've got a serious bur up your ass about Joe Biden's election, so please for the love of Christ, Michele Bachmann, just do the "Lord's Prayer" and be done with it. "THY WILL BE DONE," it says. Not "MICHELE BACHMANN'S LAUNDRY LIST OF REQUESTS FILLED."

That is not what Michele Bachmann did in this prayer. She is clearly still processing this whole "Joe Biden beat the merciful fuck out of Donald Trump" thing, and, well, it's not going so great for her. Have you ever wanted to listen to Michele Bachmann instruct God what to do with his big God Rod? Of course you have, you're only human.


Now you can:

"I ask of God and I ask that you would take your iron rod and I ask that you would smash the clay jar of delusion

SMASH IT.

... in the United States of America. Smash the delusion, father, of Joe Biden as our president.

BOP IT.

He is not. Would you take your iron rod and smash the strong delusion ...

PULL IT.

... that Nancy Pelosi does have her House of Representatives, we don't know that. Smash it in Jesus' name.

TWIST IT.

Smash, Lord ...

FLICK IT.

... the takeover of the US Senate by Chuck Schumer. Lord, smash it with your iron rod."

BOP IT AGAIN.

So that was a very normal and very good prayer and/or popular child's game with the Almighty.

In other news, batshit megachurch pastor Robert Jeffress has written for Fox News that he now realizes and accepts that Joe Biden is becoming the president of America. You know, unless Trump's very real and very serious court challenges change that. We don't feel like that's something we should have to point out and give kudos, but that's how far gone the other side is now, that we must be impressed when, three full days after the election has been called, when the winning candidate is up by almost five million votes, an influential megachurch idiot is willing to accept reality.

Meanwhile, Crazy Eyes up here playing Bop It with Jesus. We just don't know about her.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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