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Is This Schlubby Bank Robber The Ghost of Abraham Lincoln?

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The FBI Houston Division is on the hunt! A bandit has cleaned out the vault at a Wells Fargo bank and escaped on horseback -- some say up to Cheyenne Town, others say out Callyforney-way. Who is this rogue, bringing his most unseemly disposition to the local financiers of Houston City? Could he be...the ghost of Abraham Lincoln?


But yeah, here's how the FBI is describing this bum who hasn't shaven in a couple of months:

The FBI Bank Robbery Task Force needs your help identifying a bank robber dubbed the “Abe Lincoln Bandit.” The man, sporting a long, Abraham Lincoln-like beard, robbed the Wells Fargo Bank located at 11102 Scarsdale in Houston, Texas, earlier today (June 30, 2012). [...]

The Abe Lincoln Bandit was described as a white male, 5’9” to 5’11” tall, 180-210 pounds, with dark brown hair and a dark brown, long, Abraham Lincoln-like beard. He wore a dark cap and a dark shirt with white stripes.

You can get five large for sending tips to the FBI. But then you will have sold out Abraham Lincoln. Would that make you feel good? Would it, hmmm?

[FBI]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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