It Appears President Trump May Be Ill-Suited For Job Of Not Killing Us All

This thing is great for twitter reception

Yesterday Politico published a longread by Susan Glasser on Trump's foreign policy one year in. Short version: IT's BAD. Long version:


President Dunning-Kruger is entirely ignorant, and yet absolutely certain that his "instincts" are worth more than the experience and expertise of people who devoted their whole lives to international relations. Plus he watches like nine hours of TV a day. So basically, these assholes are running the country.

Yeah, we're fucked.

¿Cómo se dice DANGEROUS LUNATIC en español?

Glasser opens her piece with a har-har-hilarious anecdote about Trump trying to convince the leaders of Argentina, Brazil, Panama, and Colombia that a little US invasion of Venezuela would be just the thing.

“Rex tells me you don’t want me to use the military option in Venezuela,” the president told the gathered Latin American leaders, according to an account offered by an attendee soon after the dinner. “Is that right? Are you sure?” Everyone said they were sure. But they were rattled. War with Venezuela, as absurd as that seemed, was clearly still on Trump’s mind.

Trump's memory of The Great War on Gonorrhea at Studio 54 is vivid, but he thinks United Fruit is a gay labor union (probably) and suggested nothing bad would happen if the US defaulted on its currency (for real). The man has literally no idea why the leaders of Argentina, Brazil, Panama, and Colombia wouldn't want US troops on the ground in an oil-producing Latin American country.

[]Trump struck them as uninformed about their issues and dangerously unpredictable, asking them to expend political capital on behalf of a U.S. that no longer seemed a reliable partner. “The word they all used was: ‘This guy is insane.’”

¡Ay, por Dios!

So much for the grown ups in the room!

But what about McMasters, Tillerson, Mattis, and Kelly? Surely they can keep the Old Fool's baby hands off the nuclear button. Can't they distract him with a fidget spinner, or like, the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue?

Apparently not. And even if they could, they all hate each other's guts too much to work together.

“It’s a snake pit,” a senior Republican who has remained in close contact with many of the players told [Glasser] in early December. “There are personality tensions between the president and Tillerson, between the president and McMaster, between McMaster and Tillerson. It’s broken and it’s going to have to be fixed one way or another. It can’t go on like this.”

The "axis of adults" is desperately trying to stop him from blowing up NAFTA, the Iran nuclear agreement, Middle East peace, and the Korean peninsula. Meanwhile Tom Cotton and Mike Pompeo are whispering in one ear that we should bomb Iran, and the Fox goons are screaming in the other that NATO is a club of moochers. There is NO foreign policy. There's just the president's Twitter feed. WYSIWYG.

Now that we've told them they're not getting anything they want, WHY WON'T THE PALESTINIANS COME TO THE TABLE? Yes, that is just very good statecrafting. Just what you'd expect from the guy who "wrote" The Art of the Deal.

Oh the president hates McMaster. And McMaster hates Tillerson. And Tillerson hates the president. And everybody hates the ... Jared Kushner!

With apologies to Tom Lehrer, when will Jared be announcing National Brotherhood Week in the Middle East? Remember a year ago when Trump said, "All my life I’ve been hearing that’s the toughest deal to make, but I have a feeling Jared is going to do a great job?"

A European diplomat told Glasser,

Kushner was “very dismissive” about the role of international institutions and alliances and uninterested in the European’s recounting of how closely the United States had stood together with Western Europe since World War II. “He told me, ‘I’m a businessman, and I don’t care about the past. Old allies can be enemies, or enemies can be friends.’ So, the past doesn’t count,” the official recalled. “I was taken aback. It was frightening.”

So, the grandson of Holocaust refugees is going to blow up every institution and alliance that has prevented another World War for 75 years. Wish we could say we didn't see that one coming!

We're not sure what Kush and his BFF Mohammad bin-Salman cooked up at that slumber party where they giggled all night and played tic-tac-toe on a map of the Middle East. But since then, Nikki Haley claims to have proof that Iran violated the Nuclear Agreement, the Saudis forced the Lebanese prime minister to resign, and Israel is voting to annex the West Bank. But don't panic, Wonkers! Because Jared has A PLAN, and this is all going just great.

Or it isn't, in which case the whole region is about to explode into war. Anyway, just keep watching Fox and it will all be fine.

(Uh oh! He deleted this tweet, but the Dobbs one is still live. Watch your back, Sean! Since Lou got back from Russia, he's started dying his eyebrows and carrying a switchblade in his sock!)

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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